.
Thump thump thump...
That's how my heart feels. A hammer in my chest, rocketing away at my ribs.
Stupid.
Stupid, worthless reasons. It's not like anything worth that excitement happened. So I just missed the train stop. So there was a train coming. It wasn't close. Not really. The lights were flashing, but it wasn't close.
Still, it made my heart pound. Here I am, worried about a train I long missed. Silly how the mind works, as they say.
I still have about 15 minutes of driving to do.
My license should probably be taken away. I don't speed or anything, at least any more so than everyone else around me. I do mean everyone. My problem lies elsewhere.
I am a passive driver. I can drive without thinking about it too much. Eyes on the road, aware of the car before me and the stop lights ahead, but my mind is really elsewhere.
I have yet to have any accidents for it, but it concerns me.
I don't idle well at all. Maybe I'll elaborate on my idling skills later on.
I make it home.
I have another 20 minutes to kill before I have to be on the road again.
What do I do? Homework? The essay that was due two days ago?
No, I get online.
Gaia.
Gold.
My mind is numb, and not in that sense from songs. I'm numb the way doctors and their drugs make me numb. But this drug is in my mind, and it doesn't need a prescription. I don't need to inject, consume, or inhale anything.
Natural high.
Another thing I should talk about later.
Later.
Day dreams and night dreams. Odd ones, they are.
Odd.
My mind is rambling tonight. I feel like falling.
Falling, floating, drowning... it all means the same thing.
Bleeding. Melting. Crying. Breathing.
Bleeding and breathing. They sound like they go together, don't they? They flow well. No pun intended.
Waterfalls. I'd like to raft someday.
No, I would not. I would hate it.
Rainbows in the mist. That would be my only joy in it.
Mist.
I always think of my sister when I hear "mist".
Red mist. Black mist. Breathe in the mist and drown.
Paint in red and blue. Dark. Red and blue.
Maybe a forest green and black. That would work. My room would be comfy that way.
I'm killing my grades. No work. I can't remember doing any homework. Including essays. Any at all.
I pass the tests with flying colors, though.
My teachers lied. Back in high school. They said college would be about the tests. The homework was your only way to practice, but only the tests would count.
My dream come true.
Phththth. Right down the drain. That idea.
I'm falling apart at the seams. Stress? Nah. Havn't done the work for stress.
Need a job, though. Money. Bills to pay. Can't leave them to Mom like this.
Can't flunk school for that job. I ought to work.
Well, I have to go.
Breaking apart. Seamless, and coming apart at the seams.
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