My window is broken. Not the glass. The window is broken in a way where it cannot close. So, the frost shows up outside at night and I wake up able to see my breath. Kind of neat, really.
I would pull it in manually, but I don't want to break down the screen to do so. You see, I hate bees. Wasps, too. And that screen will be the only thing keeping them out of my room this summer. So, I live with the cold instead.
I should be glad my room is on the second floor. Should be. I mean, no one can get in easily, yes? Then again, how would I ever get out?
The window is dirty. Fog or something. I can't see out that half of it, and I can't get to it to clean it. Screen on my side, and a decent drop on the other.
Wouldn't it be fun to fall? Not from my window. That wouldn't last long enough. I mean from a real drop. Skydiving drop. That's how I want to die. Fall from an entirely deadly height, with no way to save myself.
It's not really the "flying" feeling people talk about. Sometimes I say it is, but that's not really it. I want to fall. That rollercoaster drop. No end. I want to fall so fast that I faint. Faint and never wake up.
Could you imagine the way the world would seem to come at you so slowly, peacefully, that all seems right for a change.
Then, somehow it's closer. Coming faster. You can make out the more fine details.
Faster. Closer.
I wonder how long it would take to faint. Who knows? Maybe I won't faint at all. Maybe I'll just have that luck. Maybe.
Then, the ground. Contact. If it were slower a death, it'd be more painful than I would like to imagine. However, it will be fast. It will be a no-pain death. Because I am a coward. I don't like pain.
I remember a quote. Not word-for-word, but it was something like this:
Life is interesting. Death is peaceful. It is the transition that is freightening.
I like that.
If I find the book, I'll give the exact quote.
When I die, let it be painless and exciting. Thrilling. I want to have tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips. Neither will be difficult to obtain.
I hope...
View User's Journal
Where souls disappear...
Only you exist here.
 |
Glee... my image seems not to work... emo
月に代わってお仕置きよ。