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Yep, today the most ...sugar filled day of the year. 16...and still trick or trreating. You are never too old to trick or treat...and when you are..thats when you have kids.

Oh boy, i haven't been able to get on long enough to type out my thoughts for a few days. So ...here is whats up.

I...am a little surprised, but not much....that i have lost almost all of those dumb...fuzzy-giddy feelings for Kenny. I think it is mostly because...well when i hug him, 9/10 times, the hug i get back isn't too enthusiastic...at all...because he is in such a dowm mood so often. So...its like i am not really feeling like he wants to be around me...or something like that. But, i know he still does, because he will still come over to me and talk to me and such....idk if he likes it when i hug him though or what....T.T i know i like hugs, but different people need different things.

Even though i don't feel that stupid ... 'crushy' feeling anymore (actualy i am kinda glad i don't feel like that anymore, i find it really annoying) i still feel....like something is...lodged in my chest. Warm feelings toward him, still wanting him to be happy. i know for sure though, i am not going to leave his side. I like Kenny...he is an honest guy and i really don't come across that often anymore...so, i have no intentions on skipping out on making a good friend.

What i am confused about is...do i still hug him everytime before i leave? Or do i back off? I feel like maybe because he doesn't always hug me back enthusiasticly is because he doesn't want hugs. *sighs* serisouly i wish i could get into other people's heads so i can understand more. i don't want him to think i am drifting away from him, really all i want is to get closer, but at the same time i don't want to pester him....idk.

"And we lay we lay together just not too close, too close (How close is close enough?)"~ Make Damn Sure by Taking Back Sunday

That song makes me think of Kenny when i hear it. idk...it just fits in my mind. He said he always wants to be alone, and at the same time... thats one of his fears.

Now that those stupid feelings are gone though, reality hits a little more. I am not going to ever be able to get with kenny...if he doesn't want to. And i don't want him to get with me just for me. i only want that if he wants it too because he likes/loves me back...otherwise its pointless and will all end in hurt for one or both of us.

...and right now...i can't read anything off him that says he is feeling anything for me. So....really my chances aren't all that good unless he starts to fall for me. So i guess i will cross my fingers and wait. Thats all i can do. Patience is rewarded....either i gain a good friend or a lover. i just have to wait and see. Maybe i can get both.