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Just got back from a halloween party...but it was pretty boaring. Althogh i found its pretty sexy when i put a lot of mascara and heavy eyeliner. i look...Rawr, lmfao. my eyelashes look crazy long, because they are long to begin with, and then i go and put like 3 or 4 layers of mascara on, and its like....Venus flytrap rofl I didn't really have a costume...i just threw something together and put some earings in. I was...a witch-vampire-whore thing XD It was great, i had a sexy witch hat with silver webbing patturn and feathers around the rim, i wore my black tank-top thing and a black boa. It...was pretty special, but didn't look all that bad.

With all the ...non action of the party...i had more time to think on things. I didn't really figure anything out though. I did realize i do miss Kenny alot when i can't talk to him ^_^; i really wish that someone was there who would have just sat with me and had a conversation. lol.

Earlier today before i had to start getting ready for the party, i felt like putting how i felt on paper. But i wasn't sure what to draw. So...i took a kind of idea from what Kenny had me do lastnight....and i created an image with oil pastels smudged with an eraser that represented how i was feeling about Kenny. I will try and scan it tomorrow to post it or something. But i have never made something abstract that i have realy like untill i made that. It really reflects how i feel about him in one image. i spent about an hour on it, picking out colors for how i felt. Its up on my wall by my bed right now. I am probably going to look at it and think for quite a while before i go to bed tonight. I have no clue why, but its so important to me to get my mind straight about things.

Maybe i use my brain more than my heart...but i guess that's better in a way. It means i don't do stupid things that i will regret.

LOL i am a gold digger. Not for money, but a heart of gold.

Last night when i was talking to kenny...he said "you are awkward, yet you still do things anyways" I keep thinking about that rightnow, i don't quite get it, and yet i do. I dunno, sometimes i wish i could get an outside perspective of myself. instead of first person, see myself in third person as i do stuff. LMFAO thats a weird thought, like an out of body experience thing. Awkward yet i do things.....akward how and what is it i do? lol (Kenny if you read this can you answer that question? lol)
why do i always type so much? It is interesting to go back and read this stuff a week later though. Like a daily recap of my life....well the most recent bit of it.
I can't wait to get to talk to Kenny tomorrow if i can.

over and out, it's time for me to go crash out in my bed. i hear it calling me.