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★★ I fell into a deep sleep and found myself in the most beautiful dream, and right in the middle of it, that dream transformed into a nightmare... ★★
Coming from a life where you feel like no one could ever understand who you really are, and never understanding your purpose for walking on this earth, it gets hard. You seek guidance and there's none to be found. So you find an -escape- and it's pure, sweet bliss...
When I re-joined Gaia, I was on a mission to find a person that I had unintentionally abandoned for three years and I was hoping that I could pour my heart out to that person and beg for their forgiveness for leaving them for so long. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into, but I figured that if this site was going to make me as happy as it did in 2004, then I was willing to give it another shot. I just wanted something that would help me take my mind off of reality...and it did.
I never got to speak to that person because they haven't returned to Gaia since 2006, but I sent a message to that person letting them know that I will always love them. Gaia helped me find some really awesome people. People from all over the world who understood me more than the folks i've been living under a roof with for 20 years. I didn't even know that it was possible for others to see what I see. It was like my own virtual world of -happiness-...I wasn't going to let anyone take that from me. I had friends who loved and cared about me, who talked me through my problems and were there to listen to me when times got rough, I also did the same in return for them...then slowly the drama began to break out...
A lot of people, similar to my story joined Gaia as an escape from their personal problems. To just be with people who made you feel special, but a lot of these people begin to let their personal problems get the best of them. They couldn't handle reality anymore, so they begin to keep things bottled in and shutting others out of their lives...which caused others to feel like they we're doing something wrong, and eventually because of that...friendships ended.
A lot of people couldn't take the drama of Gaia anymore, so they decided to "quit" or threaten to quit just so others could give them attention. Those who did actually quit have decided to come back. For what reason? I don't know because things are different from the last time that they we're on and all they know how to do is bring up memories that people tried so hard to forget.
Now things have just gotten worse. I don't feel that love like I used to when I would poof into cinemas. It's just tension. At first when people joined Gaia and when they were "noobs", they did all that they could to get gold and get out of that noob phase because they were actually interested in this site, and wanted to make friends and fit in and see where Gaia would take them. Now you see noobs poof into cinemas everyday and they're either begging and harassing other people for gold or starting random fights or just being flat out stupid. In other words, lately the noobs that i've been seeing have just been joining Gaia out of boredom and logging on just to mess with people. You hardly ever see the same ones again...
One thing that Gaia lacks of now is sympathy. There are a lot of people who sit around and say that they "love" you and that they care for you and they're always gonna be around, and then within the next week, all of that changes. I don't even see people helping other people out anymore. Everyone's just so caught up in their own world and their own problems. A lot of people log on and talk about their problems and whatnot and all I see most of the time is "Oh, darn that SUCKS." and "Sucks to be you" That doesn't really help people. Try showing that you actually care. Think before you speak. If you really care for someone, you don't just let the stupid stuff get in the way of a good relationship: You make things work. There's just way too much lying going on and people saying things that they don't mean.
Some people say that Gaia is "Just a Game". That maybe true, but for others like myself, I considered Gaia as my double life that I would've traded my real life for in a heartbeat because the people were so understanding and upbeat and positive. Now, I just mostly sense negativity and plain ignorance.
A lot of people ask me why don't I just quit. Well, for one i'm not a quitter and also I could never turn from the place that's helped me to meet the most amazing people that have changed my life...but this place has also introduced me to the most ignorant people that I feel like are a complete waste of space on this earth.
I would give anything to change Gaia back to the way that it used to be. To feel that same love and care from my old friends all over again...but I know it's not gonna happen because everyone is different now. Everyone is in a new chapter in their lives and a lot of people are trying to figure out who they really are...
After being on this website for quite some time and being close to people that I considered my best friends, I feel hurt and lied to. I am completely devastated by the drastic change of Gaia. How things just fell apart so unexpectedly, it just hurts in ways that you couldn't understand...
★★ Now all I have to say is....what do you do when your escape turns into your reality? ★★
 ll Estrella Brillante ll · Wed Oct 07, 2009 @ 10:32am · 2 Comments |
