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Bad lately, or maybe it feels that way because things were going so well for the past few weeks. All I have to say is, I don't understand, I really don't. Fate is a cruel mistress and life seems to kick the optimistic one in the shin and laugh as she falls. Perhaps I have been foolish to think after hanging out with someone to decide that I 'like' them and that they 'like' me... at least enough to strive for a common goal. But I'm not even being given a chance and I'll admit, it hurts.

Is it so wrong to feel even the faintest glimmer hope, to even expect the tiniest speck of happiness when things have been so depressingly dark in terms of relationships. I've never been in one before, which makes me wonder if it's wrong to assume there's a connection when you snuggle on numerous occasions, or hold hands, lean against each other for support, literally. I dunno why, but all of this seems like a slap in the face.

I suppose I am just being childish or I've just trained myself to hope for the best, because that's all I really can do. Things like this always happen to me. Maybe I should just expect nothing and build a wall, become a lifeless shell. I've been let down many times on many occasions, but this time, it stings.

Of course, this isn't definite, but that would mean I'm being optimistic again and optimism is a sin, I suppose.

I want to help, I want to understand, but once again, I'm being pushed away. Fate is indeed cruel.