As I sit here on this cold Sabbath day, my heart sinks deeper into a pit that is bottomless and eternal. Nothing can seem to bring me out of this state of sadness. My soul aches and yearns for the sun to caress my skin. For the beauty of the wind to hold me tight. I feel void of many feelings I want back so much. But the worst part of it all, is that I fall alone.
I cry alone. I sleep alone. I hurt alone. Why must I be alone? I hate being so. It hurts me at the very core. Even with friends around me, I still feel like I'm one. What has happened to me? Why can't my sun shine? What is missing in my life to make the clouds so prominent in my skies? Heh... love? Is it love? Loss of it? I feel broken. I feel used. So angry. I have waited. I thought I could eternally. I thought my strength would see me through. But I am WEAK! Alone, I cannot stand bravely against the elements of life.
I promised her I'd be brave. I gave my word that I would smile, continue to see myself as a wonderful person, as she saw in me. I thought that I could! But... This is too much for me. I've lost so much, that I couldn't have possible known what the pain would be like. I want it to end. Oh, I pray every day that it will. But this time, it seems to stay longer than it usually does, filling my heart with a seemingly permanent pain.
Chloe-kun, in case your eyes stumble across this entry, I don not refer to you. It is another. Someone who broke my heart no to long ago. I don't know why I openly post such feelings on the Internet. Perhaps I believe in fate, that someone might read this, understand me, and want to be there for me. Perhaps someone with a heart ache will read this, and feel better about themselves, knowing that there's always a bigger fish in the sea. I don't know.
I just hate being so alone. I hate it! It's worse than anything I've ever felt. It's such a dark, profound and deep loneliness. But... That's all have to say...
Kovu-San Community Member 
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