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What am I really worth to the world? To the people around me? My 'friends' give me flowery words that make me feel good for moment, but the people I want to find me important most just seem to be throwing me to the side... I'm a afraid I'll break soon. I'm afraid I really will either end up dead or in the hospital. It scares me some but I find myself more wondering what people would do if I did die. How many people would cry? How many would be sad? Would the principal bother announcing my death like he has for all the preps? How much would I be missed?
I feel chocked. I'm starting not be able to function fully in school. I'm forgetting homework, working extra hard to keep my ind busy as to not let my mind wander to the things that make me sad, and I can't complete my work as well as I could without it affecting something else.
Sumi wants us to abandon SM. That's why I feel so horrible now. It's like my soul. It's like telling me to quit writing altogether. It's like telling me to stop everything I love- drawing included. It's like telling me to die. She has such influence over me... I wouldn't be surprised if something she said caused me to commit suicide. I'm addicted to her... and she's making me want to die.
 Aoi_Para · Tue May 22, 2007 @ 02:03am · 0 Comments |
