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-_- sadly....i'm really thinking that Kenny isn't going to be one for me. I mean...i kinda knew, but i was ... how might you put it ... blinded by hope? Wishing that i could maybe for once have a boyfriend i guess... beh... even meeting him was too good to be true. I never should have got my hopes up for anything. Never should have let myself start feeling for him in those ways, although i guess there really wasn't much i could do to stop it.

He is going to be an important person in my life....i know that... but i don't think i could really handle him as a lover... I don't think he is quite right for me...the more i learn about him, the more i think. I mean...after a month of knowing him...only lastnight did he tell me he doesn't really like hugs from most people... i wish he had told me sooner. >.< i had been giving him a hug like 3 times a day whenever i said goodbye to him. Had i known he didn't like that...i wouldn't have done that...-_-; Granted...i walk away feeling a little empty and like i didn't properly say goodbye... but now alteast i know, and i think i will get used to just waving and saying bye to him soon enough...

If he ends up starting to feel something for me...then i am open to it. But...i think i need to stop thinking about that all together now. It only gets me thinking about how alone i am again, and how it just feels like i'm never going to find anyone... atleast not anytime soon. -_- will i go though highschool without having a bf? or am i just being overly negative?

As far as i know...no one at the school likes me... i don't have many guyy friends to get to know. i don't have many connections....-_- i feel so...so hopless and almost pathetic. I want to find someone i really can learn to love and who loves me back. But i really don't see that happening anytime soon -_- I hate life. I hate being a human with emotions sometimes. i hate being able to think and figure stuff out. Ignorance is bliss. Knowlege is rewarded but it comes with sadness.

Although i guess if i had everything i wanted in life then i would be bored, yes? I guess on the posative side of this.... -_- i still have a new experiance to look forward to. Gah, ,but it seems so far out of my grasp its irritating.