=_= reality bites. Whe i stop and think about it....chances aren't great that i can be with either of the two guys i want to be with.
Brandon, i love him and i would like to be with him stil, but....he is in New York....the opposide side of the nation from me. So...chances aren't good that i am even ever going to meet him.
...and Kenny. First off, kenny doen't even feel for me in that way at all yet. And...i haven't even known him too long yet, i think just under a month now. I really like him...but i don't know if i would be able to handle having a relationship with him because of the bipolar thing....So i want to be around him longer to make sure. sad i wouldn't want to start something to only have it crash into disaster. I asked him if he felt anything for me because i was pretty sure he didn't, so having him confirm that helped me clear my mind of any fantacies or just dumb ideas so i could think abotu things with a clearer mind.
Seriously...its not like i can picture a life with him beyond highshcool at this time. Not like i can envision a life with him.... so in that, i find that a relationship would be totaly selfish....basicaly its just me using him to fill the hole inside me. (boy...that sounds kinda wrong...)
or...maybe i would have to be with him before i can see those things? Beh, i really dunno. Now i just really have myself confused about things again. -_-
sad reality is a stupid thing, but you can't ignore it because thats when you do things you start to regret.
(to be continued..i have to go for now)
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