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Welcome to my life.
"John can fright'en me.."
<Center>-sighs- I just, don't understand.I just don't know how to show him.I just---I can't, I have no other choice...I did almost tell him today, but chickend out...I really don't think I will ever be able to...I fear so badly he'd get mad...-shurgs- I almost told him everything, I almost told him I knew about Riddick and DrathBlue and I almost told him about my eating......-shakes head- but I--I just can't....Should I tell him via a E-mail?Cos I can't tell him by msn...Its to hard....Oh and today, he said "Kayla, if we knew each other really right now, do you think we'd be going out..?" It was close to that, and of corse I answered in my way..and told him why...then I asked him if he thought so...he said not really, then started talking about why....confused me and....I don't know...I know he loves me....but today made me feel like...-stammers- Like...like he was already happy with someone eles?....someone closer to him?...-sighs softly- I really...I couldn't read him today, I couldn't make out what he was really tring to tell me....I tried my best to let him know I really...really...dearly love him...and I know he was telling me too...but I couldn't read it today, I even pased for a moment when he said "You know I love you right?" I was just--- for the frist time---- silent struck.I didn't know what to put....I stammerd and tripped....but..but I know he loves me, But I also know he seems like he has a little "thing" for DrathBlue...-shakes head in fear- I can, I just have to drop it and forget about it...I cannot let this happen when sooo much more stuff is being piled on top of me right now.I wish he knew, I wish he knew what was happening to me, what was going on, what I fear and still am fearing.I wish he knew everything.....................I wish I knew him,I wish I knew what he wanted.Simple things I wish and can ask but cannot...oh..if read my journal...No, I couldn't...I..-rubs a tear from her eye- i-I give up...AllI want to do is love him and get it in return.....I was so pathetic today...after my shower, I laied in bed and just thought the thoughts again "Is he happy with me," "Does he really love me," "Am I his one and only," and so much more...If jue wasn't gone...I might have used her....I'm so confused right now its not funny...I don't know if depression as struck me again or if I'm really upset or if I'm jsut so confused outta my mind...I bet I know wich one it is too...I thought it was gone...
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User Comments: [5] [add]
Chickabiddy
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Jan 23, 2005 @ 03:34pm
I feel sorry for you. sad But, if he doesn't really love you enough to stop going behind your back, he doesn't deserve you. ^^

I have those thoughts going through my head about my boyfriend too. But, at least you have a valid reason. I'm just paranoid and don't thik I'm good enough for him, so I always ask myself that stuff. sweatdrop

Don't think about it too much. What happens, happens, and it all happens for a reason.


commentCommented on: Sun Jan 23, 2005 @ 03:44pm
-blinks and smiles,- Your a very nice, kind caring person.And you have a big point, what happens happens for a reason....I'm not so sure about the other.-laughs-



[-Tinkerbell-]
Community Member
RagdollStitches
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Jan 28, 2005 @ 03:40am
Self dout its always a nightmare. I know I'm passing through the exact same thing right now (bad thing for me is that my guy's all the way in england while I'm stuck here in Venezuela xp , so the self dout is ever greater! At least you can see him and know what hes up to)

Dont let it eat you up though. Because as soon as you do the first and most critical thing that happens is that you damage yourself inside, your self esteem while really its not your fault. Second, I've noticed that, just with my guy, if i go on and ask him over and over again whats up, why he acts in a sertain way etc he gets really pissed hahah xd And hes usually a very very good and pacient listner. I cant determine how your guy will react, but most men tend to not like being watched over too much. Give him a little space. Better yet, YOU get away from him., Let him look for you, long to be with you. MAKE HIM SUFFER! WE WOMAN HAVE THE POWER! haha as soon as you show him he really needs you all that love you think you might not be resieving will bounce right to you.

Alright, got over excited but thats how i see it. You dont have to take this advise, im sure its not exactly how I image it. But just incase it is, keep it in mind. 3nodding Good luck! biggrin heart heart


commentCommented on: Sat Jan 29, 2005 @ 12:15am
But I have your problem as well...John lives in Kent,England! And I'm alllllllllllllll the way over here in America.Wow you know youur right! And, woman do rule all other, But I think, or so John says, our men....are british xd they are, so he says, "born" to hate others and all.I didn't understand it either, I asked myself "If you hate everyone, why do you love me?" thats somthin gI will never ask him, xd He would jsut get into a mad rage and not talk to me. cry -le sigh- But you both have reaaally good points, I'm just going to let him worry about me for a change, I'm going out with some friends later on, and we are taking their boyfriend and out really gay friend. xd I wonder if he would get worried or not. xp



[-Tinkerbell-]
Community Member
Vicious Jello
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commentCommented on: Wed Feb 02, 2005 @ 02:48pm
heh, sounds like you've got buterflies for this boy. My advice is tell him. It usually all fits into place in movies and books sweatdrop blaugh


User Comments: [5] [add]
 
 
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