...You know how when one thing bad happens? Everything eles seems to pile up on that?Today all these guys seem to be grabbing my a**, and one penched my boob..I'm really ******** sick of that,than Rik and his buddies got my book taken away for playing "Fly the plaine around Kayla"...-sighs- then I bleed all over my white, WHITE pants today...blood...everywhere.....-sighs- All day All I wanted to do was get home,and talk to my love...John...I knew he'd make me feel better, well I get here and he hugs me like normal.I got on gaia and the link in my sig to our quest wasn't working right, so I did what I always did; I go to Johns posts', cos he always posts in our Quest thred...and you know what I find? ******** talking all "lovey" to that b***h....AGAIAN!....-a tear gently sparkles down her cheak, says lowly- I didn't say anything, cos I don't want him to know I know, cos....well....I knew it would start a fight...I didn't want that....But why wont he stop?....w--why? It seems in RP, yeah, but still, isn't that still betra'en me?.....-rubs a tear away- I wont speek to him about it, It's the frist time I've lied and told him nothing was wrong...I love him....so much...so much...-rubs another tear away and says thru sobs- I'll ********] share him....I'm not going to let him know I know he lied to me about Riddick or getting rid of DrathBlue....Thats my main problem, I wish she'd die....than I wouldn't have to worry......
After I saw...he was doing it again...Jue looked like my only friend to turn to...I'm still thinking about placing the blade to my gentle skin;feel it cut a line of blood;see it rush to the top and glide out softly...If I didn't tell John....-says softer- he wouldn't know....he wouldn't hurt himself...I don't know...this is hard to deside...I don't know weather to turn to my inner self...or Jue again.......Why wont all this stop?I thought it was gone....one part of me wants to talk to John about it, but I know he will just leave me in the cold like he normaly does saying I'm "Argueing"...really, I just want to talk to him about it....I want to see him get rid of that b***h...I give up everything for him, you think he will get rid of somthing for me?.............me either...I love him so much....I'll just....-claps hands together say'en stupidly- Please god, kill me.&&....let me have one day with John, to really be with John, than kill me...please?....
You know I'm thinking, and I ask you again, Is he happy with me?...give me an answer...just this once...I want him to be happy....I love him..I'm thinking about saling everything I have, giving him the gold to get his sash, and leaving Gaia...than I would never know he's doing it....I would never know...NO!....-speeks toself thru tears- Forget it Kayla, Forget you saw anything, Forget you even know Drathblues name, Forget about it all, go back..-sobs- to being happy...PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......-bellows in tears-...Jue, I wont use you again...I promised John....I wont break that promise...I am known not to break them any of them that are directed towrds him,And I wont...I'm getting rid of Jue...I'll throw her out....If I can, last time I did I found her under my pillow and used her again, its odd...I don't know...Anyway,
<Center>Perhaps if I think of good things it will go away, it will be fine...Its my sisters birthday, she didn't tell me what she wanted on Gaia, all she replied was "Nothing!" I was going to give her my Jan letter cos I know she collects them, but she said again "I hardly get on Gaia anymore anyway" So I'm not going to give her anything. neutral I am about to give her the computer, so she can spend the day with her boyfriend: Andrew,they are a cute couple.Anyway, I Wish her a very happy birthday! Lets hope that her and her Andrew wont 'fight' at all today, I hope that he makes her day really good, she didn't really "Want" me to get online -shurgs- anyway I guess I should go, befor she blows a hole thru the roof. eek eek -laughs lightly- well, I'll go think about everything in my room, turn the lights out and ponder.Hum, anyway....ermmm--- well,there really isn't anything eles to talk about so I should go, Johns not on, and so forth.I really on get on to talk to John. eek I build my life around him, I should stop befor I get hurt...badly...shouldn't I?-shurgs- I kindda can't, my love for him grows more everyday...not so sure if it has today tho,today has been really....really....really....BAD!I wish I was with John....everything would be okay.I'd be able to be happy....Looks at me? I'm stupid! XD, the most to my knowledge.BYE! I should shut up....befor I start rambl'en on again XD......wow...I laughed alittle, xPGAH! -hits face- hush kayla!!!!!!!! &&!! Just shut up!I can't wait till our phone gets turned back on in a few days. eek , well mom says "Prolly next week or this week if we can" -shakes head- I doubt it neutral , she never does anything she says she's going too.I hardly feel like she even loves me.Even if I know she does, I hate the way she treats me, and the fact she hates John...I know I couldn't talk to----------WAIT! This entery is way to long to my liken. eek I guess I should get off here its almost 5 and brits[my sister]is getten restless..</center>
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Something like that happened to me between me and my boyfriend. Only it happened once and I told him I knew... And he never did it again.... But still. >.> I trust him a little less now...
But please, don't hurt yourself. Things'll get better. After all, it's ony online, right? He's not doing anything horrible like cheating on you in real life, right? So count your blessings. sweatdrop
Anywho... Yeah. I know you don't know me, but oh well... Friendly comments on your journal are nice, right? biggrin sweatdrop