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I guess I don't really update this thing, unless I'm sad. I guess it's because no one really looks at it, and the person who does is my girlfriend. I guess there is a possibility that that some people on gaia are looking, but I highly doubt they care or really know what I'm talking about.

Anyway since I'm writing in this, I must be sad, and if you guessed that, well...you're right. A bunch of stuff is happening, and really it's stressing me out. First there was the instance of Anime Expo. You would think "Hey It's Anime Expo! What you have to be sad about?", well I do. The fact that I was going was the main problem. My girlfriend, Ashley, I guess forgot that I said do to my school and job, I'll be moving up north in the fall. I decided to go to Anime Expo for three reasons:

1. My cousin Devon wanted me to go and help her
2. I really can't go anywhere this summer
3. Probably one of the greatest group of manga artist is gonna be there; CLAMP

Now the thing that really sucks is that Ashley thought I was moving up there in the summer, even though I said I can't, so she got really pissed at me. She was really sad and said I was ditching her, when I was not. I know I said to her that I'd probably not go for the reason that she can't go and it wouldn't be the same, but I said probably. The thing about me is that when I say something like "probably" I really mean probably. It's not like I bold faced lied to her, and really it wouldn't be the same if she didn't go, but plans changed, and I'm doing this for my cousin, who's like a sister to me, so I don't understand why she can't.

Also she was claiming I was ditching her. I don't why, but Ashley does not like giving me the benefit of the doubt that I would never do things to be mean to her or make her sad. I mean...dosen't she trust me? Haven't I earned her trust? She gets weird when I don't trust her, but it's absolutely fine if she dosen't trust me (even though I've never done anything to her to think to distrust me). It's just I do all this stuff for her, not saying that I expect something in return, but I would kinda think she'd give me respect. I don't think Ashley does it on purpose, if she did then I'd be yelling and screaming, but I don't think she knows. I've done a lot of stuff for her, so I don't know.

Also yesterday I was able to get her mother to let her go to Anime Expo. I thought she would be excited, but when I told her that she could go, and her mother said she could, she didn't seem that excited. Actually I don't even remember her thanking me either...

Another thing is I am really jealous of her friend Kuni. It sounds weird, but I am. My girlfriend sacrificed $2200 just to talk to him. Also every-time she talk to him, she gets all cute and she asks him about his day and worries about is health. I don't even remember the last time she asked me how my day was. I actually sent her a text message saying I was stressed, and she said "well I'm don't know what I'm supposed to tell you". I'm getting really scared that she's not interested in me anymore...It really makes me sad to even think about it... cry

I don't know what to do. I try my best to make people happy, but they only remember the time I make them mad, and never when I make them happy...maybe i should have never bought those spirit gloves for ashley...and I feel sad and sick for just thinking of that...