I wrote this all out but I didn't want everyone to read it right aways.
This entry has a point. But it's more for memories.
One clue.
Invisible ink.
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To say the least the last few weeks have been hard on me.
Not by choice, or by blame.
Just by life. And the time flow of things.
I hardly cry. I dunno why.
I guess it's like when I get mad.
It takes a s**t load to get me mad. But when I'm mad you feel it like a blow torch.
I guess I had been hiding my pain inside. Not wanting her to see how much it hurt me.
To hear her laugh. And know it was not at my joke.
Not saying things I should have.
Anyways. I finaly cracked.
I was laying in bed. And it just hurt.
I started crying like I havn't cried in many years.
She didn't notice at first. Or cared I guess.
And I was trying to keep quite.
I dun like people watching me cry. It's a soft side of myself.
I'm most weak when I cry.
Anyways. I got up and went to the bathroom.
I cut myself four times. Adding to the two cig burns on my upper left arm.
I dunno why I cut. But it braught some relief.
I dont think she even really noticed when I went back to bed with blood slowly dribbling down my arm.
I just hugged the wall and tried to sleep.
She finaly got off the phone and did what she often does, when she knows something is wrong.
Move up behind me and touch my back.
When she did this I had kinda stopped crying.
But as soon as she touched me.
I felt like my heart both explode and leap.
And I started crying like a baby.
I both wanted her to hold me tighter than anyone has ever before.
And for her to not touch me.
Eventually I let her roll me over a little bit at a time.
Till I rolled compleatly over and lost it in her arms.
Crying in her shoulder.
Feeling her kiss my cheek.
Stroke my hair back from my face.
Hearing her say she just wanted to be their for me.
It made me feel.
Safe, Happy. Compleat.
To hear the words I had only dreamed of hearing from her lips.
To hear her call me beautiful. To say she loves me.
To give me reasons why she loves me so.
It was so...comforting.
To kiss her. And to have her kiss me back.
To know that someone wants you as much as you want them.
To have the one you love look at you.
And see the same way you look at them refflected in thier eyes.
To hear words of complements.
To feel her hands on my skin.
Her tongue against mine.
Wanting. Needing.
How dreams melt into a blur.
How I wish it would never end.
It's stupid. How the really really little things give me comfort.
Like holding my hand. Or touching my face. Kissing me for once.
Having her Cuddle me first. Stroke my hair back from my face.
To pintch me so I know I'm not dreaming. To know they dream about me.
Such stupid things.
But it made it so much better. Her words, The way I felt.
I was at peace. Even tho the tears still fell.
I was happy. Even tho I knew it wouldn't last forever. In those few hours.
All their was in the world was me and her. And the love we share.
Her touch. Her taste.
Me and Her.
The way it is in my dreams.
Forever and Always.
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Miscellanous Thoughts of Tidus: Elven Prince of the Pipe
where you hear all about the expliots before i'm famous, or a mod ^^
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