As most everyone knows it's the holidays. It's supposed to be a good time, full of cheer and joyful bliss. For me, this holiday will be nothing but a long agony to bear through. I feel like my life is spiraling down the drains rapidly, far faster than I may be able to reverse and save. I find that I fight tears every time someone says 'be with your loved ones' or something along those lines. I feel like I've had my heart ripped right out of my chest and shredded to bits. Those pieces had been stitched back together many times and had finally healed with the help of someone very near and dear to me. But as of recently we've had some trouble. Things have gotten in the way, and now I'm just struggling along and fighting for the single hope that one day I may be able to have someone's arms around me and feel like I belong some where.
Just within the last two weeks I've had to say good bye to a loved one whom I pray is handling things much better than I am. He's a good person and he deserves all the respect in the world. He is the funniest, kindest, and sweetest person I know. I feel terrible for breaking his heart, I only pray he'll forgive me and perhaps we'll see each other once more when the time is right. I really have had a hard time, I've cried myself to sleep night after night, hoping that this is all a cruel sick joke only to wake day after day and find nothing has changed. I'm a smart girl and I'll hold my promise to work hard and succeed in life. I'll be the best I can so one day, in the near future I can be with one I love and leave all of this behind me.
So. Happy holidays to me. I'll never forget anything. I'll move on and with time the separation will become easier on me and perhaps for my other. I'll do my best in life and work my very hardest under the condition that he won't give up on life and he'll continue to do his best. I don't want to see this eat him alive, he deserves better. I only wish I could help him through this instead of being someone he has to worry about. I want him to know I'm alright. I worry about him and I think about him all the time. I'll save all the memories I have of him and perhaps one day I'll contact him without these shackles that bind me and be able to make a life without regret. So, I'll make him proud, graduate the top of my class (or near to) and be successful.
Happy holidays to everyone. Hope yours is better than mine.
With all the Love I can share,
Your Aqua
Just within the last two weeks I've had to say good bye to a loved one whom I pray is handling things much better than I am. He's a good person and he deserves all the respect in the world. He is the funniest, kindest, and sweetest person I know. I feel terrible for breaking his heart, I only pray he'll forgive me and perhaps we'll see each other once more when the time is right. I really have had a hard time, I've cried myself to sleep night after night, hoping that this is all a cruel sick joke only to wake day after day and find nothing has changed. I'm a smart girl and I'll hold my promise to work hard and succeed in life. I'll be the best I can so one day, in the near future I can be with one I love and leave all of this behind me.
So. Happy holidays to me. I'll never forget anything. I'll move on and with time the separation will become easier on me and perhaps for my other. I'll do my best in life and work my very hardest under the condition that he won't give up on life and he'll continue to do his best. I don't want to see this eat him alive, he deserves better. I only wish I could help him through this instead of being someone he has to worry about. I want him to know I'm alright. I worry about him and I think about him all the time. I'll save all the memories I have of him and perhaps one day I'll contact him without these shackles that bind me and be able to make a life without regret. So, I'll make him proud, graduate the top of my class (or near to) and be successful.
Happy holidays to everyone. Hope yours is better than mine.
With all the Love I can share,
Your Aqua
