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So Many Questions
Blankly I stare out my window at the setting sun. The warm shades of orange, red, and pink wrapping around the houses and trees in the distance. The day was finally ending, yet I still felt the effects from earlier conversations. I wondered to myself how things between Max and I had changed so drastically. How could a relationship, one day be so crystal clear, turn into a muddled mess? It's as if the idea of Max and I never existed.
Rubbing my eyes, I continued to watch the sky turn darker and darker as the world got ready for a long nights rest. I was completely oblivious to everything that was going on around me, or I would have heard my mother come in my room and lay in bed next to me. I wasn't aware of her presence until she ran her hand through my hair; caressingly.
“Sweetheart, is there something troubling you?” Her soothing tone brought me out of my daze and I rolled on my side to face her.
“What happened today that has you looking so down? I have never seen you this sad before,” she continued to run her hand through my pale white hair.
“I ran into Max, and it didn't go well,” I said sadly.
“Did he bully you? I just can't see that boy doing something like that. He was always well behaved, even though he had that adventurous streak in him,” she chuckled but soon stopped herself when she saw my annoyed look.
“No, he didn't bully me. It was much worse. Let's just say the Max I once knew doesn't exist anymore.” I choked on that last part as a few tears trickled down my cheek.
My mom took me into her arms and rubbed her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me.
“Why do people change? Why can't people accept me for who I am?” I sobbed into her shirt.
“Shhhh. It will all be alright. Who knows, maybe Max never changed or maybe he will someday see his mistakes. As for people; if they don't accept you, then they are not worth your time. You are a loving girl and have much to offer. Just wait and you will find out that good people do exist.” She looked down at my tear stained cheeks and wiped the moisture away. “You're beautiful,” she smiled.
“Thank you mom,” I smiled.
“No problem sweetheart. Now, wash up your face and come down for dinner.” My mom then kissed my forehead and rolled out of bed, heading downstairs.
I wiped away a few more tears and then looked at the shell necklace that I still had kept safe in my hand. It's time to put this away for good. Out of sight, out of mind. I then placed it in a box, which I shoved under my bed. I then went and washed my face like my mother said and headed downstairs for dinner.
Dad was still not home, I noticed as I sat at the table. I also wondered if I was going to have to suffer another of my mother's new organic healthy meals.
“Well I decided to make something quick and simple. Good all natural,” she paused and I cringed at what it could be, “salads.”
“Salads?” I questioned her as she placed a bowl of food I actually could recognize on the table.
“Yes. I decided that if we are going to eat healthy, it can at least taste half way decent. Also, since your father rarely graces us with his presence, a meal of meat and potatoes is not required.” She sounded a bit snappy with that last comment. I knew she was starting to get upset with my father never being home unless it was to sleep. What could be so important at work that it takes him away from mom and me every night?
“Well at least its not tofu or something else equally disgusting,” I laughed to try and lift up my mother's spirit. She at least gave a small smile and started to eat.
As I was almost done with dinner, I heard the front door open.
“Henry? You're home early.” My mother got up to greet my father.
“Samantha, I'm not going to be staying for long, but we need to talk.” My father's tone did not sound very pleasant and I soon watched as both of them went to talk in the den. It must be important if they couldn't discuss it in front of me. I was really curious as to what it could possibly be. Curious enough to creep to the door and eavesdrop.
With my ear pressed up against the wall of the den I could easily make out what my parents were saying.
“You know things have changed between us lately.” My father's tone sounded awfully harsh and I could hear sobs coming from my mother.
“Why do you feel like you have to move out. If you would just simply spend more time here, we could work things out. Why a separation? I..I don't understand.” She was almost getting to the point, where I could barely understand her through her tears.
“We'll discuss this some other time. I really just need to get back to the office and work on this case. I merely came by to tell you and give you those papers.” He sounded so final. What papers? What is all this talk about separation? I don't understand. What did my mother and I do to make him want to leave?
“So thats it. It's always about business with you! I can't believe I even fell in love with you in the first place. Leave and take your precious papers with you. I don't want them in my sight.” I had never heard my mother this angry. It was a completely different side of her. What is going on with them?
After my mother yelled, the room went silent. I imagined my dad was adjusting his tie and getting ready to head out of the room. I had to make my self scarce. I did not want to see him right now. I did not want to hear some petty excuse as to why he was leaving. I hurried up the stairs and into my room, just in time to hear the front door slam once again.
I just sat on my bed with my mind spinning with so many questions. Why do people change, and in an instant? Why do people fall in love, just to fall out of it? Why does everyone have to move on with their lives as if the past never happened? What is wrong with people?
My mother coming in my room released me from my internal argument. I looked up at her and she had already cleaned her face as if nothing had happened, as if she was the one that needed to stay calm.
“Mom? What is going on?” I questioned with so much confusion.
“I imagine you listened in on our conversation then. Well sweetie. It seems as if mom and dad are taking a bit of a break from each other. Your father has decided to move out for a little bit,” she spoke emotionless.
“But why? I don't understand this. Why all of a sudden? He didn't even give you a reason. How could he do that?” I yelled uncontrollably.
My mom hurried to me and wrapped her arms around me; we both began to cry. “I don't know angel. I don't quite understand it all myself. All I know is, we will get through this,” she stared directly at me with a look that made me want to believe what she said was true.
My mother and I held each other for a few moments longer and then she parted to her room for the night. I knew she needed some space. That way she could let out all of her pent up emotions. I didn't want her to have to hold a brave face for anyone, especially not for me.
That night I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling; thinking many things. So much had happened to my life in less than 24 hours. I wondered what more this year had in store for me. Where will my life be next summer?
 eimichan · Mon Aug 27, 2007 @ 06:12am · 0 Comments |
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