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Forgiveness
Another awkward morning with my mother came and went. I now couldn't wait to get to school each morning so I wouldn't feel the looming weight of sadness in the air at home. If only somehow I could do something for my mother, but I couldn't. It was something she had to deal with on her own.
School on the other hand was buzzing with happy feelings and excitement, with homecoming being only a week away. Homecoming was almost like high school's version of a political campaign. You have the vote for king and queen, and of course the rest of the court along with major issues, such as themes and float ideas. The school walls were almost buried behind all the promotional advertisements. Though I really could care less about homecoming, I was always filled in each morning by my very own news caster; Marrissa.
“Well the theme has finally been resulted and Cartoon Characters won by a landslide. The float committee for freshmen have picked their location and are going to get started working this weekend. I think we should totally join. It would get your mind off of home, plus you need a little more school spirit,” she smiled.
I looked at her blankly for a moment and smiled. “Actually that sounds like a perfect idea, plus float building is art, right?” I laughed and Marrissa soon joined in.
Our laughter was soon interrupted by the first period bell, which resulted in both of us taking off quickly to get to class. I wasn't really paying that much attention to where I was going and of course ran into someone in the hallway.
“Sorry,” I quickly apologized.
“You should watch where you are going whore.”
I stared up at the person that I had just ran into, and of course with my luck, it was Cecilia. Instead of trying to apologize further, I went off to class in silence. Anything else I had to say would have been futile anyways. Taking one last look back, I almost froze stiff at the cruel glare she was giving me. What in the world did I do to deserve that, and did she call me a whore earlier? I thought to myself, but decided to shrug it off as I finally reached the classroom, taking my seat.
Art class was busy with lecture, which gave me no time to talk to Max. I wanted to thank him for comforting me last night and I had hoped that we were slowly building back our friendship; a new friendship. The idea made my insides smile, and I almost, again, was late to another class.
Biology started off like any other, the two goofs arriving late, the teacher then having to scold them in front of class, and then finally he would get to our regular scheduled lecture.
“Psst...Alien Ally, I heard your parents are splitting. I guess even your own father can't stand to look at you,” snickered Ryan from across the lab table.
I tried hard to ignore them and just listened to the lecture.
“Well I heard that her dad is probably having a hot fling with his secretary anyways. I guess even her mother isn't that great to look at. Poor guy had to live in a house full of ugly so long no wonder he strayed away,” Will looked at me with a sneer on his face.
I could feel my blood beginning to heat up and I knew my face was starting to turn pink with anger. I kept telling myself that what these two goons had to say didn't mean anything, they were just trying to get a rise out of me for their own personal pleasure. I started to take deep breaths to calm myself.
“It must be sad when even your own father doesn't love you. How could anyone love a creature like Ally anyways,” Ryan questioned Will in a mocking tone.
“That's enough!” I yelled as I stood, slamming my books on the lab table to help make my point. I soon realized that the whole class was staring at me, including the teacher. Embarrassed, I slowly sat down, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the teacher approaching, not looking all too happy.
“What is going on over here? I am getting sick and tired of you hooligans always disrupting my class. Allison and Ryan, both of you will be staying after tonight and cleaning this lab. If I am dissatisfied with your work, plan on making it a year long detention,” he scowled and returned to the front of the class.
When I glanced over to Ryan, he didn't appear very pleased that he would have to stay after, but neither was I. I was still furious at what the two of them said. I never knew people could be so mean, so immature, but I had to tell myself to keep my cool or more trouble would come my way. Neither I nor my family needed any more trouble in our lives anyways.
Class finally ended and I couldn't wait to get out of there. I just wanted the day to end, to get my punishment over with and go home.
“Hey wait up Ally,” came Marrissa's voice as she grabbed my arm to stop me in the hallway.
I just looked at her, hurt and angry.
“You know, what those two guys said in class, it...it isn't true,” she gave me a look of pity, a look I never wanted to see anyone give me, especially a friend.
“I know and I am fine. I just want to be left alone for a bit.” I turned and started to walk away.
“Wait. One more thing Ally. Maybe you can talk to Max about Ryan and Will. Maybe Max can stop them from harassing you, since they are all friends anyways.
I paused and gave the idea a thought, though the idea of Max being friends with those two made me even more upset, it wouldn't hurt if I could get Max to have them leave me alone. I just nodded to Marrissa in thanks and took off to my other class.
The rest of the day went fine, though every chance I could get I would try to find a place where I could be alone so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. I just needed my own space for a change. I laughed to myself at the idea. Any other time I would have loved to be included into someone's group, but now I was looking to escape. I didn't even hang out at lunch with Marrissa, and afterwards I felt bad for ditching her. I would have to explain later. I am sure she would understand, I thought to myself.
The last bell finally rang and I started to head back to the biology room. I told Marrissa that if she ran into Max, to tell him that I would be late, and where I was. I didn't really have the time to go and hunt him down myself, plus he was probably with Cecilia; another person I'd rather not see.
As one would figure, I was the first to arrive for Ryan's and my punishment. I ultimately thought he would flake out on me and I'd get stuck doing all the cleaning myself, which didn't sound like a bad idea to me. In fact I kind of hoped he would ditch me, then I wouldn't have to put up with his annoying attempts to make me cry.
“Well, well, well...looks like we are finally alone.”
I looked up and saw Ryan smirking at me, and it made me feel slightly uneasy. “Let's just get this done and over with so we don't ever have to speak to one another again.” I put on a fake smile and returned back to wiping down the lab tables.
“Now there will be plenty of time for cleaning in a minute. I want something first.” He placed his arm around my waist and spun me around to face him.
“What in the world are you doing Ryan?” I could feel his body against mine and I started to panic. I was completely confused at why this was happening. I thought Ryan was repulsed by me, what is this?
“What's wrong? From what I hear you have no problem putting out, not even for a guy who already has a girlfriend.” He smirked and I knew exactly who was behind this; Cecilia.
His hand started to caress my stomach and then began to inch its way upward. The panic inside me consumed everything and I started to struggle and push him away. “Stop it Ryan!” I yelled hoping someone would hear and stop this.
Smack! My face felt like a thousand bees had stung me. I couldn't believe Ryan had smacked me. I stopped struggling and looked up at him with fear.
“Lay off the sweet and innocent play. The whole school knows you are easy, they know you were trying to make the moves on Ceci's boyfriend. So just give in and make up for getting me in trouble with the teacher.” He grinned like he had won, and he had. There was no way I could push him off of me, struggling was just wasted energy. All I could do was let the tears fall from my eyes as he touched me.
Ryan started to kiss against my neck as his hand moved under my shirt. “This would be more enjoyable if you weren't so hideous, but I guess I can imagine you are someone different,” he sneered as he become more rough, more forceful. “It will feel good anyways, at least, for me.” He laughed and pushed me against the lab table and I could hear him fumbling with his pants. I just screamed inside and closed my eyes.
As I waited for the horrible moment to come, suddenly I felt free. I quickly opened my eyes and saw Max shoving Ryan into another lab table.
“What the hell were you doing to her!” Max screamed at Ryan and hit him so hard Ryan fell to the ground.
Quickly Ryan got up on his feet and made it to the doorway, holding his bloody nose. “I was only giving her what she deserved, what a whore deserves.” With that he took off out of the room, knowing that Max would continue his assault if he had stayed.
I just looked upon the scene blankly, not really understanding what all had just happened. Max placing his hand upon my arm broke me out of my state and I quickly stepped away from him.
“Don't touch me.”
Max had this, “I'm so sorry,” look on his face and it really just angered me. I couldn't explain why.
“Are you alright,” asked Max.
I lost it, “No! I'm not alright Max. You are just like them!” I could see the shock in his face, but it didn't stop me. “You..and all men. They think they can just take what they want, and when they are finished...they leave. They don't care if another is hurt in the process, all that matters is that they are satisfied. Even my own father is just like them!” Tears were pouring from my eyes as I crumbled to the floor, rocking myself. “How can you all be so horrible?”
Max just stood there a moment in silence, he didn't even look at me. When he finally spoke, it was so silent, “I'm sorry Allison.”
I looked at him in shock, but he merely continued.
“I'm sorry I left you standing there that night of the camp dance. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when the guys called you a freak. I was a horrible friend that night, but I still ended up hurting you even further. I'm sorry I started to ignore you to the point where it was finished between us. I did become one of those guys, the type of guy I wish I could erase from the world, because he caused you pain. I won't make excuses for who I was then, but, I promise that guy is officially dead. I want to go back to the me I used to be, a guy who had more respect for others and himself. After we stopped having any contact at all I realized my mistake, I missed seeing your smile and hearing your laughter, but I thought that I couldn't go back so I continued on being someone else. Someone in order to fit in, until I saw you once again and was reminded of who I was. Someone who would stand up to the guy I had now become. I won't be that guy no longer.” In that moment our eyes caught and I could see tears building inside of his. I knew what he said was true, Max was slowly returning.
Silently I stood up, walking towards him. In an instant I had my arms wrapped around him, “Thank you Max. Thank you for apologizing, its all I ever wanted you to say.” I looked up into his eyes and spoke softly. “I forgive you.”
He held me tightly and I could feel a couple of his tears landing upon my forehead as he just continually thanked me. A couple of minutes passed before we both remembered what all had just happened.
“You need to report Ryan. What he did to you was wrong.” He let his arms fall to his sides. “I'm sorry for what he did and tried to do to you. I feel partially responsible.”
I just shook my head, “No Max, it wasn't your fault. I think Cecilia had more to do with this.”
“Why do you say that,” a look of confusion crossed his face.
“Well, when Ryan was,” I paused for a moment, “When Ryan was doing what he was doing, he said that I deserved it since I had put the moves on Cecilia's boyfriend. I think she was retaliating against me for last night.”
Max stood there silent for a moment, “I'll handle Cecilia later, but for now we should go and see the principle about Ryan.”
I agreed and we both headed to the principle's office. Once there I told him what Ryan had done, or tried to do and Max confirmed by stating what he had seen when he walked in on us. The principle ended up getting me to make a statement to the school's police officer and they both agreed that they would take care of this. I only hoped that Ryan would not retaliate further for whatever consequences he would now have to face.
Max ended up taking me home so he could help explain things to my mother, so I wouldn't have to speak the details once more. My mother was angered and relieved at the same time and thanked Max for stepping in when he did. I then walked him to the door as he was about to leave.
“Ally?” He turned towards me.
“Yes Max?”
“Do you think it would be alright if we got together sometime this weekend and hung out. I'd like for us to become friends once again. Do you think that might be possible?” He looked almost afraid of my answer in that moment, though he didn't need to be.
“I would love to.” I just smiled and he smiled in turn before he got into his car and drove off, leaving me there in my door way with a new found sense of hope.
 eimichan · Sat Sep 06, 2008 @ 10:21pm · 0 Comments |
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