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WAYS TO ANNOY A ROOMATE:
1. Twitch a lot.
2. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
3. Speak in tongues.
4. Walk and talk backwards.
5. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
6. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
7. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
8. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
9. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks.".
10. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
11. Eat glass.
12. Smile. All the time.
13. Collect dog s**t in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
14. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
15. Dye all your underwear lime green.
16. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
17. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
18. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
19. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why . . . ?" Be creative.
20. Always flush the toilet three times.
21. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
22. Listen to radio static.
23. Cry a lot.
24. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's email.
25. Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
26. If you get in before your roommate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
27. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
28. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
29. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
30. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
31. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
32. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
33. Collect Chia-Pets.
34. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over
backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."
35. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
36. Put up traffic signs around the room. If your roommate doesn't obey them, give him/her tickets. Confiscate something your roommate owns until he/she pays the tickets.
37. Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours, imitating its movements with your face. Explain to your roommate that you have established a connection with the spirit world through the lava lamp. Tell your roommate that "Grandma said hi."
38. Keep empty jars on the shelf. Tell your roommate that this is your collection of "rare gases." Look at them often. One day, act surprised and angered, and accuse your roommate of having released one of the gases. Cover your nose and mouth and run out of the room.
39. Spread toothpicks all over the floor. Stare at them, acting like you're trying to read something. Tell your roommate it's a message from God, but you're not sure whether it's a warning about a loved one in danger or a recipe for really great chili.
40. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
41. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
42. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
43. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
44. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
45. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon . . . "
46. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little . . . "
47. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and
then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
48. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
 Aquaspirit77 · Sun Aug 19, 2007 @ 10:28pm · 1 Comments |
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