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i am becoming more sucidal
day by day
a** hole by a** hole

well i get home being yelled at for not doing s**t
its friday all i wana do is sleep and forget this week happend
on saterday my dads girlfriend wakes me up
then goes upstairs talking s**t about me
that pissed me off so i told her to appogize for it
she didnt and still hasnt
so i wasnt going to do the s**t i suspost to do
and they kept threating me
that they will send to to phionexAZ (my moms place)
all i wanted was for her to apoligize
and i would of happily done everything
but no she had to be a b***h
then my dad says why should she
you should be thinking of apolizing first
so that pisses me off even more
god i swear people are pushing me and pushing me to kill someone or slit my wrist
(which i would have already started cutting again but i threw away my cutting knife)
well i also lost my razor blade too
so i been trying to find something sharp all this week
i am so mentally ******** right now
the only time i smile is when
i think of how to cause myself pain or death
i am beyond anyones help

its just been one a*****e after another

been chain smoking for the last two weeks
i think its cause i cant kill myself with a knife that i am doing it with cigs

well heres another thing i lost a friend this week
he called me emo
then i told him why i am the way i am
and warned him not to called me it again
but he did
so i hit him with my chair
and thats how i lost a friend

i think i am mentally ******** up right now!!!
i am on life's little edge and falling!!
cant wait untill i hit the bottom!