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I've spent that last couple of days doing nothing really. Being depressed over Shingo, going to parties (the one last night was really fun, byt the way), Christmas shopping, etc. My birthday is coming up on the 5th....and I was beginning to think this would be the last birthday I'd ever celebrate. Shingo still hasn't replied to the e-mail I sent him. In that e-mal, I gave him 3 options. He can either start talking to me more, get on a plane and come here right now, or end the relationship. and I was super mad at him, for never talking to me anymore, and leaving me hanging like he has....I thought "what if there's someone esle?", or what if i bored him, or was too needy, etc.? and then it hit me.......maybe he wa sin an accident again. A long time ago, he got in a motorcycle accident (he rides one), and he got really hurt and ended up in the hospital. So I didn't hear from him for a month, and had assumed he left me. And then i found out what happened, and felt horrible. So i thought, maybe he's hurt again, and that's why he hasn't been writing....

I was worried that my depression was going to come back again....from not ever having contact with him.....i was owrried that i was going to stop eating, and just sleep until i wouldn't wake up anymore, because i don't want to lose him, and i don't want to live a life without him in it.

But why do that when I can just go there? wink

I'm going to work really hard, and get a new job because....i'm going to go to Tokyo ^_^. and find out where Shingo is and what's going on. I'm giong to go there, all by myself. I need $1000 at least, but any extra money will really help. There's nothing esle I can do, this has to be done. When you really love someone, you're willing to do anything it takes to see them again. so i'm going to do this ^_^.

Now, I'm not saying this won't be difficult or scary, because it will be. I will be leaving without my parents consent, until after I've left. It's not that they won't be cool with it.....they will be, they'll completely understand. but trying to convince them to let me go to another country all by myself just to find Shingo in Tokyo will not work out so well. So I just have to tell them AFTER I'm already half way there, lol.

I know where Shingo lives, but I have no idea where to start looking, lol. And I'm going to have to majorly improve my Japanese in one month. i'm planning on leaving in February.

I'll have more details later on as I get them, but i'm very serious: I'm leaving for Tokyo for one month. but don't worry, I'm coming back at the edn of February. I can't permanently stay there, lol. I'll start tomorrow by job hunting and getting a book for learning Japanese over quickly and easily, lol. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner...maybe cuz i was afraid. But life's too short not to give it a try, right? ^_^