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It has been the longest of weeks and I just wanted to come home and relax and instead I come home and due to the fact that my GOD DAMNED COMPUTER will not FUNCTION properly I'm BEYOND frustrated and I want to cry and rip my hair out at the same time. Sound emo? You have to no idea. Yet, technically it's not emo since I don't go announcing to the world how much I fear and hate myself.
Once again I make the announcement to all of those who read this that despite that I am suicidial I don't intend to do anything about it because I made promises, and I cannot break a promise. Even if it tears me in two, as this threatens to do. sweatdrop
I have friends that I really wanted to see this weekend. I've been forcing myself to be a good student and not get online ALL WEEK LONG as often as I could. And I finally get on and they're happy to see me and then all of the sudden...it's not as exciting as I'd hoped it would be. It's not as thrilling, it's not pleasing...it's not...what I had waited all week for.
I'm depressed. I think I'll ask my mom to just cancel whatever she had planned for me. I have this feeling it's something nice like Discovery Cove..a manicure..pedicure...something like that. She can go, or she can cancel it. I don't want it. Maybe we can go to a nice restraunt, something like that. But I REALLY...REALLY don't want anything for my birthday. I'd rather pretend it didn't exist. I would feel much less like causing myself any sort of pain if I could pretend it didn't exist. It hurts...I'm such a pain in the a** around my birthday. I was so depressive sounding online today.
I wanted today to be over. I wanted to come home and get online and be in the company of my friends to find out that I can't even enjoy them. I feel so disgusting and pathetic. I wish there was an easy way out, and the more I beg for it...the more I realize how very wrong I am.
 animepurinsesu · Sat Sep 02, 2006 @ 12:25am · 1 Comments |
