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Society seems to have set rules for the general populous, things that we have to do and if we do not we are considered less than substantial people. We are not worthy to set foot amongst those who have stepped high enough to reach the boundaries of what society calls good enough. We have to do well in school, go to college, get a good job, get married, have children. Women specifically aren't considered good enough if they don't get married and don't have children. Not to mention giving birth to children of their own genes. Adoption is accepted, and though there is nothing wrong with it most people in this age seem to find it more accepted to have blood-children first before adopting.
Isn't it finally time to step away from the programming? Isn't it finally time to understand that we are going to be good enough on our own? Without being married, without having a significant other. That college is not for everyone and it does not make-or-break every career path option. I'm sick of feeling less than adequate because I'm single, there's no point in that! It's bullshit! I'm not less than adequate. I'm more than! I'm worthy of anyone I could dream of having! I'm worthy and I'm willing. I'm looking for love but I'm not desperate anymore. There's no sense in it! People don't realize that they should enjoy single life while they can and then take all they can out of having someone. Single life is like being a kid. You're single for less time than you are married in many cases, in half of them at least! You're a child less time than you're an adult in most cases! Enjoy it while you can so you can be ready in all manners for married life and adulthood. You've exhausted childhood so you can jump into adulthood and marriage and all they have to offer.
All kids want to do these days is grow up. They wear short skirts and try to show cleavage they don't have. They try to attract boyfriends when they know they can get the attention from somewhere else...somewhere more worthy of their time. I don't need to get attention to find myself worthy. It would, of course, make me feel better. It couldn't however change how I feel about myself. There's no way it could do that. Only I can do that. And even I haven't found a way.
I still look at myself in the mirror when I've just gotten out of the shower and I'm toweling my hair off and I'm disgusted. I know I'm losing weight and I'm working on it but its not enough. I can't see myself in a positive light just yet. I know I'm a good person and I have talent but thats not enough to make me totally happy being me. It makes me wish I could be me in someone elses body. It makes me wish I could fix myself. Which really I know I'm doing almost all I can. I'm trying really hard to keep up with my weight and lose my 10-15 more pounds and to gain some muscle and look better. I wash my face every day and brush my teeth every day...I keep my skin clean and lotioned. I wear makeup when I leave the house, I fix my hair and I wear jewelry. I try to make myself look decent...because I know I'm worth it. I know I'm worth looking in the mirror and being able to smile.
I want to be able to look at my insides and my outsides and smile. Right now I'm still working on the outsides.
The rest of me can go take a hike.
Single and Fabulous!!!
 animepurinsesu · Fri Jul 13, 2007 @ 01:34am · 0 Comments |
