I'm not sure what to do anymore... It's so hard not to listen to them, but at the same time it's hard TO listen to them... What they tell me, what they talk about is... It's so aweful... It's so scary. I just wish that they would go away, so that I didn't have to worry about them anymore, but... Well, I don't know what I would do without them. They tell me to do things, and I've always listened, it would be wierd not having them with me... Not having anyone telling me those things, showing me those things...
But I should probably forget about them for now. I don't want them right now, so I shouldn't be talking or thinking about them. I just... It's hard to keep focused sometimes, since I have no true mind of my own...
*sigh * A mind of my own, what I wouldn't give to have a mind to myself... No intrusions, no them, nothing. Just me and my thoughts. That would be nice, I guess. But confusing too...
Argh, I just can't make up my mind anymore! I want this but because of that... Why can't I just chose a side? Make up my mind? Why do I always have to fight myself every step of the way? It's just so hard to fight myself. *sigh* Well, I guess I need to take the rest of the time that they're not here to think about things a little bit... Love,
Melodi
<3
