May 11, 2010 Tuesday 1:40 AM
My dearest Sennyo,
Although Nucc and I are unable to talk to each other today, since he is working late, I still want to talk to you and tell you of things, so that in the future I will hopefully remember myself as I am now.
Today, even after Nucc texted me saying that he'd be working late, I've decided that I do want to tell him those three words. At a time in which my mind isn't overly preoccupied with him, I felt that.
Some of the things he says are so wonderful that they're scary. So scary. I'm afraid that things will turn out to be real, not a dream. However, I too am playing that fearsome role. I want him to be happy, and he seems more than willings to accept my affection for him. I'll do it then. It's not playing a role though. Playing a role signifies falseness and, as according to Sarte, the attempt in escaping one's freedom. I want to love Nucc and be a wonderful person to him, without playing a role.
Yesterday, after something that I had started, after telling him of the necklace of keys that I had found yesterday evening, I told him that you holds the key to my heart.
He responds that he doesn't know what to respond. Rather, he does, but he'd rather say it to me in person.
I reply to him "Same here", and then how I was contemplating on calling him about telling him those three words, but decided against it for his same reason.
Nucc, being the dear man that he is, replies that he could feel his heart racing at just the thought of it and "[he] think it's clear [his] heart belongs to [me]."
(Glad I finally learned how to use brackets properly, Sennyo? Do you remember back when my grammar was practically non-existent, during most of your existence?)
He said that because our evening/morning was closing on such a great note, it'd be certain that I would take part in his dreams that night.
He called me amazing.
I could feel them, the tears swelling up in my eyes. "Amazing"? Oh, how no one has ever said that to me before. What exactly is so amazing about this fat, stupid, moody, Asian anyway though? I don't see it...
"jesus christ, I'm crying XD" I replied to him.
He said that because he was not there to wipe away my tears made him want to.
The tears never fell though. I could feel my sight getting blurry, but nothing ever fell. I wish I could cry without watching "My Dog Marimo" on youtube. I haven't visited a baww thread on /p/ in quite a while now.
I want to be with him in a fairytale world.
[End Log] 2:01PM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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