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May 7, 2010 Friday 3:05AM

Sennyo,

This is he second time that I write to you this, as Gaia ******** up and logged me out. I'll make this short, as I feel tired. Perhaps I'll add to this more later.
Nucc and I IM'd tonight for a good hour, with a failed two minute phone call due to the poor signal in the basement.
I'm no longer unsure of his motives.
[Pause Log] 3:07AM
[Continue Log] 7:26PM

He told me that, if I decided to connect with myself, he would like it if I "wouldn't die without [me]."
He had been thinking about that well before we met (almost a week ago, can you believe it, Sennyo?).
A few messages later I inform him that for the first time in about five years, I feel so strongly towards someone; how I feel towards him. Likewise, he said that I am the first in a very long time that he's been genuinely interested in, not just because I'm a girl, he's a guy, and we're both single. Saying that although the space-distance between us is regrettable, I'm worth it.
Worth something... now there's something I don't think anyone has ever said to me. Even _____.
I told him that I'd embrace him at that moment, if I could. That saying "thank you" just wasn't enough.
In response, he said that now was a time where we could simply embrace and yet still 'say' all we needed to.
"good nucc, say that and makes[make?] this harder on yourself."

I never really thought of him as much of a romantic before. Everything has changed so much.
I don't think I've ever come so close to saying those three words to him.
[Pause Log] 7:41PM
[Resume Log] 8:20PM

Oh, how I fear those words! Those three words, that can destroy old things and give birth to new things.

I want to live for Nucc. Not only that, but also for myself. I want to be motivated to live for both of us. Motivated to actually live for and strive for the future. I want to live with Nucc in my life, realistically, not in a dream-like world. And be real.
Oh, god, how I wish I had that motivation.

It would be a dream, to be with him. Live in that dream-world where we are not bound by real-life restrictions. Money, transportation, education, ... even pregnancy. Am liebsten Traum ich von unseren Verhältnissen zu uns.
I want that. To connect like that.

[End Log] 8:32PM