May 3, 2010 Monday 8:45PM
Sennyo,
I was wrong. I was swept up in that feeling of passion there and then. I do like him. A lot. But I don't love him. Before, I loved him in a way that I felt that I could have sex with him and love it. Now, not so much. I think that this is a sign that he does mean something to me. That I want to wait for it. Of course, should the situation come up I would certainly go for it. XD
Ha.
We've been talking since that night he dropped me off about us. What to term our relationship as. We really are quite unsure. He told me to refer to him as my manwhore that I have exclusive rights to, lol. I suppose I can't call him a "dear boy," can I? "Dear man?"
Oh, dear god... I don't want to turn you into a diary, Sennyo. Oh, god please... no/don't.
I... I guess I should get along with what I was going to tell you...huh?
He really does seem interested in me, Nucc. I wonder what a love without the obsession part feels like? For, that was how I felt before we confirmed our feelings for each other. I don't want it to be entirely physical, our relationship. I really don't. I never imagined that I wouldn't feel as much anxiety, or at least to such a short extent, when I formed a relationship with him. With _____ I imagined us to be bound by our misery and self-loathing. Not Nucc though. I ... oh ********, I still have some homework to do. I seriously need to stop messing around, I really really do.
Oh... ********.
Sennyo... I know... I know that I feel so much more at peace now that I'm with him. I still have those little anxiety attacks, but not as often, that's for sure.
Perhaps I just need to wake up today.
Nucc and I didn't begin talking until late last night/this early morning. I suppose that it will be the same for us again tonight.
Sennyo... I want to be with Nucc, so bad. I really do. But I don't want to live, to exist as well.
Hmmn, I suppose I have no reason to take that medication after school, since Nucc wouldn't get off until late anyway. It could be good for both of us. Maybe.
I don't know. I'm so sorry.
I really am so sorry, Sennyo, I apologize for this. All of this.
[End Log] 9:14PM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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