April 29, 2010 Thursday 8:54PM
Dear Sennyo,
For much of the day past around 12-1PM, I didn't feel much.
After school, took two naps. Still not much of anything.
It wasn't until I heard the most strangely-placed music in a while. It sounded like a cello. Someone practicing it. It struck the silence of the coming summer. Then, a saxophone playing as well. I couldn't tell who it was.
I took a walk today at around 7:40 or sometime after that with the eldest dog. JtD was out skateboarding. I was hoping that he'd just wave high at me as usual, however it ended up that he walked with me.
I've forgotten (almost?) what it's like to talk with a guy IRL. It's so different. I'm not quite sure if I miss that sort of stuff or not anymore. Sure, I'm spared from the anxiety of those sorts of things, and in that way I am very much thankful, but ... still.
I'm a ******** horrible person. I can't do this to Nucc. I can't. I shouldn't. How fickle my heart still is, and here I thought that I could take up a role and escape my freedom in doing so by becoming Nucc's. ********.
I botched up that goddamn concession stand test yesterday as well. I confused the meaning of the word "sub". ********. ********. ********.
I can't do this.
Two days until we meet. I hope to any dear ******** higher power that my great affection for Nucc will return. Oh, god, I pray to Yevon that it shall.
Yevon...
Dreams...
[End Log] 9:22PM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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