Se-...Sennyo,
Tuesday evening/Wednesday morning at 12:01AM, Nucc sent me a PM. He told me to think about I, not we, I wanted to do when he threw me into his car. He said that anything was fine except for the movies, for understandable reasons.
It made my heart burst, so painfully so. The way it does, when I feel a burst of anxiety flood from my heart and I kneel to the floor, my heart enclosed within my body, my grasping hands, my knees, etc. It hurt so much. It was so painful. I was curled there in that fetal position for long moments, I attempt to look back at the screen, only to be met with pain once more. I'm so afraid... of it all.
F3, the people at my youth-group, yes, they're F3.
Today at school was the Day of Silence. It was a fail pretty much. Veil, Luna, Stella and I seemed to be the only ones participating. Even Maggie didn't participate. It was nice in the beginning though, when everything was fresh and shiny and new. I passed out the speaking-cards, since Stella hadn't made any. Stella, Luna, and I could laugh together.
F2 isn't going well at all. ruby proposed that we add WK to FC. I wasn't so sure about it, but 'okay' with it. Then, that Wolf said that if we add WK we should also add MK, whom I disagree with. It's not that it's because he's from haikyo, it's not that at all, I just feel not very close to him, that's all.
F2 really isn't going well for me at all. I posted once more in Wolf's "Morals" thread, a quote that was asking people why they were mad at (us) trolls.
Quote:
Ya, I get it. How many people put up a feckin RIP site and then cry when the trolls come out of the woodwork. Oh my poor baby died. Yes they did. Sorry.
But... why so public. Why the public outpouring of your feelings. Did you attend the funeral? When was the last time you told her she looked good or that you were glad she was your friend. When did... See More you ever share anything real with her. When did you help her when she needed it, as we all do when we're alive.
And now everyone stands around this virtual gravesite trying to throw stones at the vultures.
Why? What does it matter now that she's dead? Maybe you should have spent more time with them in life and you'd not even be haunting the dead and the trolls wouldn't even be seen. Freak.
But... why so public. Why the public outpouring of your feelings. Did you attend the funeral? When was the last time you told her she looked good or that you were glad she was your friend. When did... See More you ever share anything real with her. When did you help her when she needed it, as we all do when we're alive.
And now everyone stands around this virtual gravesite trying to throw stones at the vultures.
Why? What does it matter now that she's dead? Maybe you should have spent more time with them in life and you'd not even be haunting the dead and the trolls wouldn't even be seen. Freak.
She wasn't even a troll herself, surprising, isn't it?
Wolf though... we really do just disagree on a lot of things. Although she and ruby are around the same age, they give off such different vibes. Wolf is a wolf. ruby is a wonderful rabbit, as well as a lion.
Nucc... I want to live in a world—a dream world, with him. Where we aren't disturbed by financial matters, and the sad things in life. I listen to "Innocent Days" right now. I want to be his C2, and him to be my C2. I... don't know anymore.
I'm so sorry.
Good bye.
[End Log] 10:05PM
