March 31, 2010 Wednesday around 10:05PM
S... ,
I haven't said your name in quite a while now, have I? Last week, on Thursday, I came to the age at which you exist. I... I want to tell you something else now though, while I still can.
I chundat 70mg (each) of 'red bull' today with RB. Before that we had done an egg hunt with our youth group. Den Ruts was there with his girlfriend. I'm happy for him. She seems like a really great and decent girl. They looked really content and happy with each other.
At around 8:50 we snuck off to do the rb. Crushed it. Ten minutes later we were finished and we walked off to the front. RB had to leave immediately as soon as we got to the front. She advised me to drink water and that there would be some stomach/cramp-like pains, which I am experiencing right now, but I feel so damn pleasant. Like Yuka, saying "Happy!" Like Nikan being so cheerful even in a seemingly bad situation.
I close my eyes and there is a field of light blue, grey, white, and then other various colors depending on the music that I am listening to. (The colors are not all around me as if a hallucination, but rather colors that I feel in my heart)
I feel my heart an orb radiating a light that does not leave me. Radiating within my body. It does not warm me, but lightens my mood.
Falseness. This is what it is. False folds of pleasant calmness that lie over my true feelings. I wouldn't want to feel like this all the time though, that's for sure. I don't feel like I could love.
By the way, did you know? Nucc said that he's a database admin now, rather than a lowly technician with few hours as he had wished. "It sucks being useful." he said more or less. He said that he would've sent me a birthday card if he hadn't been so overwhelmed with work and whatnot.
Ruby will be meeting, May 26th (the 'anniversary'), with a haikyo-er and Wolf!!! I'm so happy for them. She was saying how it'd be the first ever recorded meeting of haikyo-ers/Jikeneers. I was tempted to also type in there that Nucc and I should beat them, however I resisted.
It ended up that Nucc PM'd me about him not being able to go for sure to Anime Punch on Saturday, and also that we still have two months to beat ruby and Wolf.
My heart. I feel like it's beating through my chest and into my throat. Beating so quickly. I guess that it doesn't help that I'm listening to Edvin Marton's "Tosca Fantasy" either, huh?
I'll write to you later of my real feelings. Good bye.
[10:36 PM]
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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