December 11, 2009 Friday 9:58 PM
Sennyo,
Tears were shed today, did you know that? Mother-person and Father-person were yelling at this person this evening.
I was talking to Jimmy. We were talking so closely to one another.
Those bastards had to mess it up for us though.
Same stuff over and over and ******** over again. Their little s**t rants about internet predators and such. Yes, there are some people like that. I've encountered them on vier-chen, but those pathetic humans,... god... Jimmy, I'm so sorry for letting you down like that right when we were talking about you and your life and your future.
For the first time in almost seven weeks, more Scars were made. I've forgotten the beauty of freshly marred skin. So pure and dripping. Rushing.
A lot of things have been happening on F2 lately.
1) It's back to red and black, but it's format after the entry page can be seen in red and black (different from before to suit the size of the window) and blue and black (suitable to the window's size).
2) Familu Saakuru has been made once more. Everyone but Scary's in. Maurise has joined in too.
3) Many members of FC are doing Christmas cards! It was my idea, so I'm glad that it had worked out, unlike other things. Hippo, 6, Flower (Syineca), ruby, and I are doing them. トノ says that he'll send us cards, but because he'll be moving soon to a place only five miles away from where he is now he said that he wouldn't like our cards to end up at the wrong place.
4) A few new members. Flower(she is unfamiliar to me at least), and about three others.
... that Mother-person threatened to have me not on facebook, myspace, etc. for a month. That b***h. That's like her having no cell phone or home phone for three months. I cried in my room. So much turmoil.
トノ texted me once, something rather trivial, although it ended two texts later. Hippo said he was texting Flower. Ruby and I were asking about how it went, ruby saying that that's what she was doing too. I said that I got a text from トノ, which I thought to be special. But, it ends up that ruby even got to talk to him on the phone! Beat me again. But, I guess I'm happy for her.
Every now and then I feel like the same thing is happening all over again. This wave that makes me step back a bit. A bit shaken, I am unprepared for the next several waves that push me back even further. I'm knocked to my feet.
I don't want what happened [to me] on F1 to happen here! I wonder if FC will grow. I wonder what トノ expects of me as a silly teenager that's a moderator.
Everything is just happening too fast and too horribly and too dreadfully and too uncertainly.
I wish those old ******** would not care, like how Lily's don't all that much.
If I disappear from F2, like how I had from F1 and in that way, what then? There is nowhere else.
So many things holding me. Group projects, the Christmas cards, time, hesitance, cowardice, my lack of true motivation, patheticness, and everything really.
I wish I could cry.
On the medication, going home on the bus, I remember that I was questioning something I have been questioning for a while. Do I really hate not feeling many things? In both states of mind/body, there is still turmoil building up and falling apart and stirring and warring in this heart of mine.
E's cu cunno.... bmayca vunkeja sa!
[End Log] 10:30 PM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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