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Well, Since my last entry so much has happened. Kubi hates me her family hates me her friend Donny hates me. So heres the story behind it all.


It all started when her sister found out what we were doing. Then came the Emails and a talk then I was black listed They hate me Kubi was sad and depressed but I... I was so depressed. As soon as I got off the phone with her sister I just cried I was shaking uncontrollably, I tried to reason with her sister then I just gave up hope. I talked to her friend Madie and after about 30 Emails Madie just told me "You might not want to hear this but, sometimes it's best to just let go.".

(Honestly I'd rather have her hate me and resent me then for her to want me ever again I hurt her and I wont forgive myself for that.)

That's just what I did. Then I cried everyday, every night and I finally came to the point were I just wanted to end it all I had a hunting knife right beside me and I was saying goodbyes to people and then I wrote a note to my parents. Then while talking to one of my friends Sarah, she comforted me and basicly made me feel loved I got attached to her and then she just came out and said she had a crush on me.


If it wasn't for her I would be dead I had already taken the right steps to killing myself. 8 glasses of water to enlarge the veins in my arm a nice and sharp knife a note for my parents and I was ganna run a bath to help me relax while the blood was flowing I'd estimated it wouldn't take longer then 30min before I had lost 2 pints of blood and I'd be dead. But Sarah was there she was able to stop me without even knowing what I was going to do.


Finally the here and now, Kubi has made it very clear that I'm some sort of jerk that dosen't care about anything that I'm a lieing jackass. Well I only have this one thing to say, If you really did love me, you wouldn't be mad, you wouldn't say such bad things about me, I only made myself stop loveing you because I'd just hurt you again and then I'd hurt myself.


Anyone that reads this please don't talk to me about it I'm trying to forget I don't have my Sarah here or even online to help clam me down if something upsets me as much as this did....