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So, today is the day i find out if i am single or not. I sat in my room for a long time last night. I cried for so long on the phone i didn't have any tears left. I read a poem that helped me through a lot...
I stood up strait and said that i wouldn't cry anymore. I would be stone in the face of his decision. I will walk away and leave him to wonder if he did the right thing instead of me wondering why he did what he did.
I told him if he breaks up with me that i wont have the same s**t that happened last time. I wont have him calling me, i wont have him seeing me. If he sees me in public he will walk the other direction and not even mention my name. I never want to see him again.
If i see him with a girl, i will just tell myself that i was better...
even if i wasn't.
I tried my hardest to make things work, and that is all that matters. I love him... i'm in love with him... but you can't force things to happen. If they don't love you, then loving them is pointless.
Maybe one day i will find my Batou. Someone to love me as much or more than i love them. Maybe one day i will find a man who is tough enough to lean on, but soft enough to comfort me.
If only the wizard of oz was real... haha.
I wish he had a heart... That is what i wanted to get him for x-mas... but i couldn't...
~Lady Dryden
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