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Wow the pain I felt in my heart never left it just hide from me for the right moment to hit me with full force. I feel like a puppet again. Why, why does dispear follow me like a shadow creeping in me when happyness winks at me. My life has always been like this to go from pain to pain having to fake being happy. Its not right, even by my standards, to be given happyness and then have it rended out of me with the force of a black hole. Are my sins that bad? Am I to be punished for the rest of my life with this new torcher or will I get use to this torcher and then another take its place? I guess I will have to learn new ways of torcher to embrace and train for, well whats the wrost that can happen? At this point death would be a release against this pain I now bear again. Damn and tomarrow is my birthday.