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Why is it my fate to always help but never to be helped? Why cann't I ever have an easy life? I know that life is painful but my life is nothing but an ocean of pain and a poudle of happyness. I try my best to help others and when it comes time to help myself I only end up helping my future career and never my emotions. You may think you can understand but trust me you have no idea what I go through just to fake being happy, to fake being ok, to fake smiling and laughing. No matter what I do I cann't make my life easier. I won't kill myself for that is pathetic of anyone who trys to go out that way. All I can do is hurt my body in hope that i'll feel the blood in my vains, the wind hitting my raw flesh, the chill from my spine; all to just feel like something even if I don't know what that thing is. All I can do is hope that something will turn for the better for me.