As much as I love doing all these things it seems as if it brings me down too... I have excellent transcripts but no social life... I have A's in most of my classes but no one to talk to in the classes that I love..
Confused yet? ... It's quite understandable... Being in band, ROTC, Key Club, High School Varsity Soccer Team, college classes, and keeping up academically in high school wouldn't be enough? The madre gets in my way of at least having a slight up-bringing in the latest "gossip" in my school and community around me.
I knew not of this girl in our school almost being killed because she wouldn't give up her seat in business systems. I didn't know that Kayla was preggers nor did I know that my best friends were in a fight! This life that I lead can be hassling at the best of times and I wish I could start anew.
Alas, though this humble dream is only a fantasy and will always be forever and a day from now. I take solace in the fact that I can write in a journal here, unscathed, from the harsh opinions of others, though sometimes I feel that that small gift would also be taken away...
Given the example of today I should start to enlighten you.. right...
I was pumped for the game tomorrow.. I mean PUMPED, totally excited jumping up and down with exhilaration yelling for the sake of it happiness... because it is one of those rare Tuesday games in which we would be back home at 12:00 AM!! Inconsequently that same day I had college classes in which I had already taken my Mid-terms Exam and was comfortably ahead of most things. Thinking since we had two excuse passes that semester I thought "Here today I will bast in the glory of sweat, beating drums, and best of all... friendship! Social Up-Bringing! non-left-in-the-darkness! Time to spend with the guy that I really like and be able to talk with my best friend! Have arguements with Forest on how the Red Sox are a hoax and that they shouldn't have ever been allowed in the World Series!" oh no... NEVER THAT... Ol' madre comes into the picture and says "You are not allowed to go to this game because you will be missing college, you made an obligation, you need t hold the promises together!" I felt my life slowly sinking down into the oblivion and heard the words of my concerned friend drifting through my head... you'll never be able to hang with us! you'll turn into on of those hermits that expend all their time into scrolls and such... hermit... a flash in my head of hunched shoulders, paper-white skin and worst of all...no friends... oh noes..
What does a girl do when she is distressed about something and in their frustration find out that they have built a hole so deep that they can't possibly get out? What don't they do... I cried.. I had a reason... I HAVE a reason... I fight the urge to gorge on chocolate because it looks foolish and would rather not mess with the muscle and 126 pounds that I have worked so hard on. I punch my pillow many times... I scream into the sheets just because I'm too cowardly to let anyone here me in this frail state... sitting here tonight listening to "Caribbean Breeze" by The Rippingtons has yet to soothe my aching mind and soul... Revival... Revival...
Naoki Daisuke Community Member 
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