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A small insight into the mind of a nonsado-masochist goth.
may 24, 2010
it has been five years since i last spoke to you my dear friend. and all i can say is that my heart bleeds for the time i have lost. over mountains i have climbed, from the deepest valleys i have crawled, across oceans of tears i have swam but i managed to stay afloat. father time has been daunting and i wonder what i would do if i could take it all back... nothing different i suppose... for my purpose in life is now greater then myself. i have brought a beautiful ray of sunshine into this world so it is now my duty to do everything i can to ensure she has the best life has to offer. i am now an angel to her, and she to me; a miracle. i have waited so long for my life to have meaning and i finally understand what it is...all the horrible things i have seen and awful things i have done are so far away it seems, for i have opened a new chapter in my journey and have turned the page on the darkness. Now all i can do is hope that light will shine brightly upon the future of my child and cast as few shadows as possible. though i know that theres is always darkness before light i hope that we have made it through the darkness already. at least i wont travel through alone.


May 5, 2005


May 4, 2005
Upon a bed of sickly roses

Death so thick upon my brow
Fear consumes all that I am
I can’t stand to see one so close be so sick

Tears fill raging creases upon my face
The pale skin of a child-like faerie girl
Wings stand broken upon her fragile form

Hands clenched into hateful fist
Hate toward a God who is never there
Raising a voice to the pain-filled sky

I lay myself down to bed upon my roses
To wake up finding them torn
I have nowhere left to go

The blood protrudes from the flesh
Painting the roses red with my essence
Understanding and rationality escape into mystery

Nothing makes sense in this disgusting hell
In this horrid vacation spot for death
I lie down to take my place upon the flowers


May 3, 2005


Refined State of Knowingness


Febuary 7, 2005
Places to Kiss Your Love

Behind their ear.
Tip of their nose.
Back of their neck.
Underside of their forearm.
Curve of their waist.
Palm of their hand.
Inside their wrist.
Under their chin.
Their eyelids.
Inside of their ankle.
Their collar bone.
Tips of their fingers.
Their spine.
Small of their back.
Their tummy.
Behind their knees.

Ahh, Saint Valentine was a brilliant man.....someone should thank him.


Febuary 1, 2005
Pestilence

Closing my eyes to the darkness I slip into sleep.
Nightmares invade my senses......

A scared little girl who shivers, crying, in the face of a monster. Silver feathers pervade the bloody ground beneath her. The blood and bone carcus of two once beautiful wings stretch from the pale porcelain skin on her fragile back. The clothes she wears lie in tatters over her small body as she holds feathers in each tiny hand. The monster laugh soaking in her pain.
Her placid blue eyes look up from the floor through thin, straight strands of brunette hair. A shrill scream pierces the silence as the large black figure of the monster shatters on the ground. The smooth hand of the monster's Pestilence reaches to help the small child up. She extends a danity hand into the darkness for the gentle strangers hand. Tiny fingers of the child appear long and slender in the light on the other side of the curtain. She steps into the light, her child-like innocence lost to the green-eyed man. He pulls the young woman to him, her wings disappear completely and she becomes his. Mortal to immortal. He is her king of hearts, the God of pestilence.
I open my eyes to be in the arms of the green-eyed man in my dreams. The one who turned this innocent little girl into a lover, a woman, someone who means something. My eyes close as I rest my head upon his chest. This is love. He is my king and I am all his.


January 21, 2005
Death Destruction Mayhem

You complete me, and there are no words to
describe what you make me feel.
Yet it is so endless, so insurmountably satisfying.
Life without you would cease to exist, there would, after all, be no reasoning behind living.
You are my destiny and I would be entirely
insatiable without you.
You are my best friend, my lover, my life, my eternal
everything and I love you every minute of everyday, beyond
eternity into the everlasting of our days.
I would die for you one thousand ways And cast myself
into the depth of Hell to make you happy.
You are my blissful everything and I wish you to know this forever.
I would shout my love for you from the Heavens
and make the angels cry out.
I love you forevermore.
With promises of forever.


January 3, 2005
Slave to You

No matter how hard I try,
I can't stop seeing your face.
The aching inside never ceases to exist
I drain the blood from behind my eyes
And singe the pain from my heart
But there you still stand
Pulsating with Love
I try so hard to ignore the feelings inside myself
But my heart races with your every glance
I die in a sea of deep green
And melt inside your arms
Why must I feel like this?
Why must you torment me so?
The loving and the lusting
The sorrow and the want
All I feel seeps from my soul
And into the palm of your hand
You hold my world inside your eyes
Every part of my being in a jar
The light of tomorrow shine down on me
I see the future that is US
You are my best friend, my lover, my life
You are my eternal everything
And I, your humble love slave


Sango
Community Member
Sango
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