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BAHAHAHAA. I'm getting better! The last journal update came after 3 years. xd I've got a long list of updates and projects I'm working on...one of which is updating my main blog. I'd really like to spruce my profile here up too. It's kinda...2004. Gawd...and I've opened several portfolios up plus my dA portfolio...none of which have been completed. ;_;

I know I keep saying this but I'm going to have some RAGA's to post soon. And I've been wanting to get back into Gaia again too...maybe reopen my art shop for just quick sketches. Hmmmm.... heart

Must get back to work. >.<

i want my OMG back...again. gonk I think this is the third or fourth time I'm kicking myself for selling it. I've sold it and bought it back at least 3 times i can remember gonk i'm so retarded. but! not all is for loss. I'm hoping to earn enough money through art auctions and such to get it back without raping my inventory too awfully much. wish me luck! whee heart heart

on a different note, I've been working in Painter recently and I like it! biggrin I spent several hours yesterday on an old drawing and it's turning out pretty neat. I remember hearing somewhere (I think in a class) about how the strength in your hands adds to your ability to draw. Said that way though the concept isn't quite right. xd lemme see. whee Ok. Imagine sitting down with a pencil and a piece of paper and just drawing a big circle over and over for hours. (kind of like that nutter in the Ring! blaugh ) While you're doing that, you're excercising the muscles in your hand and increasing your brain-hand coordination. I did something similar to that while working in Painter last night. I was drawing this elaborately wavy hairdo using the same hand motions for the hair fibers over and over and over. Usually i get frustrated quickly and quit coloring with the tablet because my strokes don't go where i want them. I stuck with it this time and noticed my placement and strokes getting increasingly better. (keep in mind i was working on the hair for like 6 hours straight...i drew and redrew 3 different 'do's throughout the night.) The connection didn't hit me until later when I couldn't sleep. I decided to draw until I was tired, and so picked up my sketchbook. that drawing came together instantly...usually i have to fight to get the image in my mind down on the page...it was really neat. I guess it's just along the same lines as practicing. The more you practice the better you get because you're excercising those muscles...you're training them and your mind at the same time. 3nodding

i'm over it wink heart

Currently Listening to: Mystic Roots - Pass the Marijuana; LOTR soundtrack; Warren G - Regulate, the cult, the cure, clash, and Pink floyd xd
Currently Reading: LOTR
Currently Working On: a lot xd

don't you just love my winamp mix? xd Galveston, oh Galveston! I had the best weekend. Got sunburnt really bad though and my allergies decided to rear thier ugly head so I'm a bit congested and drippy. I stayed at the beach house of a friend and had a blast. I caught some fish too!! They were all pretty small so we threw them back. We didn't get a chance to eat the crab we caught either so those went back too. xd We caught three sting rays. eek we can catch sting rays but not flounder xd weird. Anyway!!! I'm glad we were where we were because there was a huge to-do in Galveston city (i can't even begin to fathom a congregation of 75,000 partying black people, but that's what the paper reported). The police had routed all traffic straight into town so I'm glad we went up Thursday and not Friday. xd we wouldn't have been able to exit where we needed to. There was no way to penetrate 61st street after Friday afternoon unless you were a local. I went kayaking!!!! I'm really scared of boats and water so that was a huge step and I'm really proud that I didn't freak out too much. 3nodding more on this later. must scoot heart

The Birthday Event was opened completely today...I was so happy when my test trade with Ragat went through swiftly and without error. I was really worried through the past few days when trading was down. *^_^* The Lotto is running strong onlt in its first day...I just need to figure a way to pimp it and get the charity and t/c pots up higher. I'm debating whether or not to add one of the big gem's i've been reserving for the T/C...I hope it will excite a lot of people. I just have to decide when I'm going to sneak it into the post. I only wish I had kept some of the letters I had had from '03...but seeing as I was not too smart back then and sold them all including my items, I won't be able to add one of those to the pot... crying but I will add a couple of things just as good. 3nodding

I've been a bit down tonight...there's no reason for it, but still it happens. there are so many things for me to be joyous about. It's kind of like a push pull feeling -- the need to not be sorry for yourself and stop throwing the pity party, but also the fear and dark thoughts that I'm not enough -- that what I do is not good enough. sad I've been writing my resume' so I can get out of this draining bank job into something I'll be more happy doing. I have examples all around me, references galore..inspiration for a clean crisp layout; then i self-destruct trying to write the cover letter. I self destruct at the points where I have to sell myself. that's the hardest thing for me to do. I've never had a high opinion of myself, always think there is someone better, more qualified than me to do something. that's my biggest vice and though how i try, I can't seem to beat it. common sense tells me I can reteach myself japanese and every single piece of vocabulary I've lost in a matter of weeks. common sense tells me all I need to do to become swift at programming/PS/CG/webdesign again is dig out my notes and refresh my memory. get myself back in the zone. it shrugs and lays it out how it is. then my crippling self doubt comes in and here i am a year later no further than I was at the beginning of the argument. That's my resolution this year -- to beat my self doubt and do what I know I can do and am skilled at. there is nothing wrong with being happy about what you can do well. there is nothing wrong with applying yourself to do a job well. there is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. nothing. so do it. say "I am worth it," and believe it. this will probably take me more than a year to accomplish, might not. I am capable of it certainly. if in one year of half-assed effort at art I can improve as much as I have, then I can certainly start the groundwork on revamping my self image.

bah. enough of that domokun I'm a crazy b***h and I'm PMS'ing. domokun