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This is not a story book romance
ninja
To get what I want is impossible. To change how he feels is to change who he is. To make him want me would be to change myself and compromise who I am. I'm not making that mistake again. It's not giving up, it's facing reality. Nobody ever said life was fair, this is proof, I've only set myself up so that any action I take at this point will have a negative outcome for me. Being painted into a corner is only worse when you're pinned there holding the brush. My focus has been shifted away from what should be important to me. But romance is very important to me. Unrequited love worked its way onto the front burner when it doesn't even deserve to be on the stove. There is nothing I can do. I tell myself to just stand back, live life, but it's easier said than done. "love is like oxygen, love is a many splendored thing, all you need is love." "Please dont start that again" Was it the wrong time in the wrong place? Is it all situational? Or am I the wrong person, is he the wrong person? Why? Why? Why not me? Little things to give me the wrong impression are dangled in front of my face. It takes everything in me not to be the person I am and take the reigns on the situation and take what I want, because I know that will have a terrible outcome. I will not make the first move. I'm done trying, and done waiting for something to happen, because it won't happen. Not when he knows I'm in his back pocket relishing in the crumbs I am given to keep me from starving. Let him think I am mad, or distant, or awkward. I am. If he's such a nice guy then how come he can just sit idly by while someone is hurting because of him? Because he won't comunicate or be blunt or truthful. Perhaps I've been reading into this and seeing all of the things I want to see. The rose colored glasses have been removed. I'm taking my own advice, I'm taking things at face value. He is confused and has his own stuff to deal with. I'd like to help but you can't force someone to open up and share parts of themselves if they don't want to. If he wanted to spend time with me then he would spend time with me. He makes no effort. I'm finished working on something that could be beautiful. I'll just get to sit back and think "what if" to myself and know that if he ever realizes it, it will be to late. The door is closing, the romantic moment has almost passed. Whatever poison cupid dipped his arrow in is wearing off, and apparently it was with the last one in the quiver because I'm the only one affected. ninja
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