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This is just....AWESOME!
Anyway, just read it.
> 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
> house faster than an
> ambulance.
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
> places in front of a
> skating rink.
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
> walk all the way to the
> back of the store to get their prescriptions while
> healthy people can buy
> cigarettes at the front.
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double
> cheeseburgers, large fries,
> and a DIET coke.
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
> open and then chain the
> pens to the counters.
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> thousands of dollars in the
> driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
> 7. Only in A merica......do we use answering
> machines to screen calls and
> then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from
> someone we didn't want
> to talk to in the first place.
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
> packages of ten and buns in
> packages of eight.
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word
> 'politics' to describe the
> process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
> 'tics' meaning
> 'bloodsucking creatures'
> .
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's
> with Braille
> lettering.
>
> EVER WONDER...?
> Why A 20oz "Coca-Cola" Product cost $1.09 (+tax)
> inside Wal-Mart, when you
> can get one out of the Vending Machine outside for
> $1.00 even?
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
> closed?
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
> Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on
> "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
> dish-washing liquid made
> with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a
> broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
> it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used
> on airplanes? Why don't
> they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all
> stuck together?
>
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> the terminal?
>
>
> ------------------
> In case you needed further proof that the human race
> is doomed through
> stupidity, here are some actual label instructions
> on consumer goods:
>
>
> On a Sea rs hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (
> that's the only time I
> have to work on my hair).
>
>
> On a bag of Fritos:! .You could be a winner! No
> purchase necessary.
> Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
>
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
> soap." (as opposed to
> "special" soap???)
>
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost." (but, it's
> "just" a suggestion).
>
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
> not turn upside down."
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be
> hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
>
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
> clothes on body." (but
> wouldn't t his save me more time?)
>
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a
> car or operate machinery
> after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
> reduce the rate of
> construction accidents if we could just get those
> 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and.. .I'm taking
> this because???....)
>
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
> outdoor use only." (as
> opposed to...what?)
>
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
> the other use." (now,
> somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
> curious.)
>
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> (talk about a news flash)
>
>
> On an American Airlines packe t of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat
> nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you
> to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the
> parents for this one.)
>
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
> with your hands or
> genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
> somewhere?)
 xoxo_urmyluver_xoxo · Sat Jan 19, 2008 @ 03:37pm · 0 Comments |
