Alright, so it's been a while since I've written anything in this pixel journal. I'm not really going to go into detail about myself and my reasons, but the a good few nights ago me and my buddy were having a drink and we got to talking about life. His, mine and everyone that matters to us. In this conversation I realized that not only was I bored with my life and myself, but I was far too predictable.
People who argue with me are all ignorant fools trying to start a battle of wits with an empty canon.
People who flirt with me, are usually sluts, or clingy buttflowers hoping to make 'the jerk' like them as a trophy gloat.
People try to have a conversation with me, constantly mention that they love how I'm blunt and an a*****e, almost like that's my only good quality.
Don't get me wrong, I love being an a*****e. I love being able to say something that everyone wants to say but is too scared to. I love pissing people off that get upset fast, but at the same time, it's predictable of me and I for one, hate being predictable.
My friend asked me if I've ever tried being nice and of course I've been nice. I make a living off of smiling and being nice to costumers. Then he asked if I've ever actually tried BEING nice and not acting. I've perfected being a jerk and have long buried my nice guy side, that thought never crossed my mind. To not act nice, but try to be nice? Maybe then something different will happen then the same crap that I have to re-live everyday.
I hate most people, but I'm bored enough with my life that I'll try to be less...aggressive.
We'll see how long this can last. I'll never take down my wall for anyone, but I'll try not to block out everyone at first hand.
I've also been on gaia for 4 some years and after 2004, I stopped joining or participating in anything, simply because I don't get along with communities very well. So, talking to friends, trolling, lurking, drawing that's been my gaia life pretty much and I've also taking a dive into joining a productive group for the community. Don't know if it will fall through or not, but at least I'm moving from my norm and possibly finding what I liked about Gaia 4 years ago.
So there you have it a life changing choice out of sheer boredom of my own lifestyle. Who says you need a near death experience?
 Alusis · Tue Mar 04, 2008 @ 04:20am · 0 Comments |
