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&a href="http://drawing.feedbucket.com/view.php?img=20070117/2nuEfIM348.jpg"&&img src="http://drawing.feedbucket.com/generated/20070117/2nuEfIM348.jpg" image_too_big="250" image_too_big="150" border="1" alt="drawing personality"&&/a&<br />
&a href="http://drawing.feedbucket.com/"&What does your drawing say about YOU?&/a&
&a href="http://handwriting.feedbucket.com/"&&img src="http://handwriting.feedbucket.com/generated/20070117/A4Hrx9ERPx.jpg" image_too_big="250" image_too_big="150" border="1" alt="Handwriting Analysis"&&/a&<br />
&a href="http://handwriting.feedbucket.com/"&What does your handwriting say about YOU?&/a&
saved for codes (bbcode), only works on livejournal or something, I guess.
 portrait-story · Wed Jan 17, 2007 @ 10:19am · 0 Comments |
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Dude I got to stay at home today, which makes me happy. It also makes me happy that someone is writing a gay man Colin x Thom Radiohead fancomic. I really could never see that, especially considering Thom has been with the same woman for years and years and just had a son with her, but it still makes me happy. (also I love their artwork, so.) Link
So I'm doing good today. Song is "Let me go" by cake.
portrait-story · Tue Jan 16, 2007 @ 05:38pm · 0 Comments |
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Sorry to post so many tekteks. anyways even though nobody is really reading this, so I don't really know why I'm writing anything at all, I kind of felt like posting something somewhere. But I didn't really feel like email because there's no one to email. I could rant about the fundamental pointlessness of me writing anything at all because nobody's going to read it, I dunno. I'm not how sure how to use this space anyway, I don't really know what I'm saying, but I'm not in a bad mood or anything, I'm actually pretty happy. Maybe that's why I felt like writing something, anything at all, because I usually think I might like to write something but then I don't actually feel like writing something.... it's weird to explain, I dunno. I'm kind of in a weird mood lately. I always say that.
Things that have happened in the past two weeks or around then:
-my mom had a baby.
-finals at school.
-I keep staying up late.
-weirdness.
-Ihave a weird problem with people thinking I can't do stuff by myself. It bugs me.
...also, I have had a weird urge to re-read the shoebox project, which is like... when I'm in a bad mood I read that, and some other stories that I have a nice little list of, because I'm like that, I guess. Also I want to reread the harry potter books, because my stepmom is reading them and her talking aboutthem gets me excited for her. She's on the third one right now and I still think Remus Lupin is really awesome.
Also, because I'm a very musically oriented person and I like to talk about these sorts of things, I really really love the song 'Letters' by Utada Hikaru and it's beautiful and I love it. I've been listening to it nonstop for the last week. Well not literally nonstop, but pretty damn often. Y'know, even though Utada Hikaru is Japanese pop music and I usually hate pop music (American at least), I think she's really good. Her singing voice is astonishing and she actually writes her own stuff. (Even though the music video for the sakura blossoms song is really weird...) Also yesterday I discovered (re: found in my hard drive, haha) the Franz Ferdinand song Auf Ausche (sp?) and listened to it a few times, it's pretty good. Ditto about popular music though.
Haha. My sisters laptop cord broke. SUCK IT UP, b***h.
Watched a movie today, it was a little hallmark-y but it was okay anyway. It was Stranger than Fiction with that ugly, stupid guy Will Ferrell, who you can probably tell I hate. He wasn't so bad in this movie but god have I seen some of those little previews for his other movies, like Ricky Bobby, and I really just don't like him. I just don't, I'm sorry. It's his face, there's something about his face that I don't like. But it's not that he's ugly, I wouldn't care about that, it's just I don't like him so much, I can't explain it. But now I'm feeling sorry for him. I mean, I dunno. I just don't like his movies, that's all. Oh god. In the movie he was all "I WANT you to the love interest. And he plays this corporate guy with a stick shoved up his a** so she's like, WTF? and then he plays a bad song on the guitar, singing badly in falsetto, and she has a sudden urge to spontaneously start making out with him. And then the movie suggests that they have sex. I actually think the love interest lady is a good actress, so I thought that was weird, with Will Ferrel I mean, REALLY, right? Well anyway, the movie didn't leave me with any lasting conclusions about it. Like I said, it was kind of hallmark-y, with a predictable theme: live each day as if it was your last. ANd als o weird old author ladies like death. Uh. Tat wasn't really a theme, there, don't get your hopes up... Well that's it for THAT piece of s**t movie...
Actual good movies, IMHO:
-I heart Huckabees
-Royal Tenenbaums
-Amelie ( heart )
that's all I can think of.
Well this is kind of a stream-of-consciousness monologue, isn't it? I think inpictures and in feelings, not really in exactly constructed word formations, or at least that's my opinion on how I think. Or excuse. Whatever. My point is that I just kind of thought about this feeling. I kind of started crying about tit the other day and now I don't want to think about the fact that that happened, but anyway, I was frieked out about the fact that my new stepmom keeps doing everything for me. Last year, after my grandma died and we moved, I had to do fricking everything by myself. I really mean everything, I made my own lunches, I did my own laundry, it wasn't keep the house clean because of the 50 000 pets that you have have dinner together every night, it was I don't care about how clean your room is, eat wherever you want. I think I actually function better working by myself. I like it better, at least. I didn't like last year, though... I think I was kind of depressed and a computer addict. But I liked the whole you can do whatever you want thing. I took the bus everywhere. I had friends over, we went to the chinese market and bought lychee-flavoured popsicle sticks. I liked that. Thinking about summer at that old house makes me want to cry, because I loved it so much. It was so pretty there, with all the plants and ivy and let's take a ride on your bike -ness. So much more free than I feel I am now. I took pictures. I had my own money, and I went places. I was organized.
I guess it could be said that I'm well taken care of now, I mean moreso, but I don't know if I prefer it. It's like I'm constantly being checked up on. Constantly watched. I feel cooped up (even though to a certain extent it's my own fault because I'm such a ******** computer addict); I feel like I'm smaller than I was. I'm kind of afraid of shadows i n the dark at night again. And also, I don't think I have as much power. Before it was like, okay, you want to go somewhere, that's fine with me as long as you have it organised! I took the bus and I was fine. That was eighth grade. Now I'm older, I feel like I'm old enough, but (and I actually love my stepmom) but the one thing she doesn't do for me is treat me like I know what I'm doing. She treats me like I'm cute kinda but not like I'm, you know, respectable, powerful. And that's why it bugs me that I started crying about it, becuase I hate crying and I hate what I'm writing too dammit! But I have it that she thinks that I CAN'T DO IT MYSELF. What, I can't be messY? it's my own room. It's my own life. I don't want to be pushy, I don't want to be rude, I don't know her all that well but sometimes I NEED SPACE.
Doesn't anyone else just want to say, just GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME ever???? Anyone?
And school isn't any better. God. MAX BRUSCHI, YOU ARE A ******** d**k. ******** YOU. Bri's ex-boyfriend. Self-righteous SOB. No friends in any of my classes. I don't socialise like that, I can't help it. the friends I make aren't made bevcause I have them in the same classes, they're just... I dunno, I haven't made a friend in real life for a while. Maybe six years or so. That's not including Danyelle, who is awesome, but she doesn't even go to my school anymore unfortunately. God, eightht grade was so much ******** better than this! Am I the only one who thinks that? I don't mean, I mean rereading this I don't mean to seem so self-pitying, like I'm begging for sympathy. It's not that big of a deal. I just feel like I've lost the ability to talk because I've kept my mouth closed for so long. At school, I mean. But it's not like I feel bad like that sounds, I just don't really, I'm not active. Kind of dead, in fact. Kind of dead. do people think I act dead? Do I act dead? I'm ******** alive in here! still here.
Am I flipping out right now? I don't think so. God, I haven't written in so long. I want to write like this in a story. With emotion. I want to be a writer, but I can't make myself, it's like making myself talk to other people because I feel so self-conscious, like I'm constantly checking myself for errors. I can't just WRITE because if it's not personal, if I think someone is going to read it, I feel stupid. My characters are two dimensional. They're perfect but they're also flat. It's because I don't have my emotions out that way. Either I'm totally gushing about my life in a stream-of-consciousness style rant, like this, or I kind of force out insincere mindless words for my school assignments! How ironic is that? Funny.
I'm still fourteen years old. Young. Young.
Weird. When I started this, I was happy. Now I'm sad. These are the kinds of things I think all day every day. Now you know.
All the thinngs you got all the things you need
who bought you cigarettes who bribed the company to come and see you honey?
Been thinking about you so how can you sleep? These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet
All the things you got, she'll never need
all the things you got, I'm plannin to bleed to/please you
I'm thinking about you
portrait-story · Tue Jan 16, 2007 @ 07:19am · 0 Comments |
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I'm drawing something in opencanvas. it's been ages since I did something w/ digital resources; I just downloaded the opncanvas trial version.
It's weird. I've kind of become obsessed with it.
Anyways here's a link to a screenshot. It's (obviously) a WIP.
kh riku
portrait-story · Wed Dec 13, 2006 @ 04:31am · 1 Comments |
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no one here
THE CREEPING ON ME
WON'T LET THE NERVOUS BURY ME
portrait-story · Sun Dec 03, 2006 @ 08:32pm · 0 Comments |
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