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After coming back from being gone for so long, things are starting to fall into place again. I must admit, I hadn't really expected them to. I'm not sure exactly what I expected, but it sure wasn't this. But I'm not complaining.

I feel like I'm just not letting myself be happy. She left him, and I hate myself for it. They were so happy together, and I had no right to come in the middle of it. I feel like now that I've been given another chance, I should be happy with him; not being happy with him feels like I've just wasted his relationship with Sporks for nothing, but I just can't help it. I don't know why I feel the way I do.

It's not fair knowing that I love one of them but not knowing which one. What I feel for both of them is... well, it's real. But which is love and which isn't?

And would either one of them want me anyway? One I know doesn't. The other, I'm just not sure about.

I hate me sometimes.

He says he feels sad if his friends aren't happy. How can I keep doing something that I know hurts him? But it's not like I can just stop being the way that I am. So. We'll just pretend to be alright. It's not like anyone has to know what's going on anyway.

Maybe he'll know that I'm not alright, and maybe he won't. It's not like I think he's stupid or anything. I just hope that even if he knows that I'm not happy, he'll appreciate that I'm doing it for him. Or will he even know?

Gods, I don't even know why I care.... I try not to, but I can't help it...

Why do I let him do these things to me? Why do I do them to myself? I know that he doesn't care about me. But at least he doesn't pretend to.

I don't believe them when they say that they care about me. I mean, in some part of me, I want to. But I don't know if I can anymore. I just don't know.