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I'm sitting here pondering why my life hasn't taken a turn for anything right now? Maybe it's because I don't have the right motivation? I'm not really sure at the moment, but I've been up all night stressing out about Patrick leaving.
If you don't know who Patrick is, he is the love of my life. He's going to Nascar Technical College, so that he can build motors for Nascar. He eventually hopes to carry out his dream and be a Nascar racer. I believe he can make it, because he does anything he puts his mind too.
I'm the polar opposite of him. I have no motivation to live at the moment besides him keeping me grounded and on my feet. He's the one that has pulled me through my dog's death, my attempts to blame myself for everything that has happened with my sister's ex-husband, my sister betraying me, and my friends turning my back on me. He is my best friend. It's going to be so hard for me to let him go so that I can grow up, too.
That's besides the point. I might start working on the novel I've been wanting to write, soon. It's about my life experiences, and others that I'm going to intertwine into a mixture of sadness and relief for life.
I hope my book has a happy ending. This is the beginning of another chapter, yet it's still hard for me to fathom that he's going to be gone completely from here. He's always telling me that it's just temporary for me to get my life together, and I'm afraid I will never fully get it together. I'm just afraid I'm going to be the dead beat girlfriend that everyone criticizes for just being a loafer.
I'm just waiting for my chance to sign. Maybe I will find it within myself one day. I guess for now I'll just have to sit back and let everything run it's course.
 +Pepsi.Product.Orgasm+ · Wed Aug 13, 2008 @ 11:19am · 0 Comments |
