Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

AAUGH i'm out of cigarettes.

i know i shouldn't smoke them and i know how bad they are for me and all that jazz.

i also know how they help inspire my brain to run faster.

(i am well-informed on the many many different alternate programs i can run.)

considering how hallucinogens i love but society does not, and nicotine i also love and society accepts, i think maybe i might switch to it.

except that it's remarkably addictive...

and i don't necessarily need that going through my life.

on the other hand, great writers of all genres have been prolific smokers, not the least of whom was hemingway (one of my personal favourites), and i find it helps with the creative flow as well.

AAUGH i'm out of cigarettes.

so i know this girl named m. i like her a lot and she likes me a lot. we have s**t tons in common and we made love the other night.

i enjoyed it and she says she did too.

i don't know how regularly this will happen but it is a good thing.

the possibilities are endless.

was the universe created the way scientists now (roughly) agree it was?

did god do it?

did God do it?

did i do it?

my brain expands and envelops all it comes in contact with, learning more and more all the time, and the same questions keep popping back in.

i would like to understand metaphysics, truly understand.

it was just a while i go i truly understood trees.*

i guess i have a long way to go.

*i have known for a long long time that roots are underground and branches are in the air. it didn't occur to me until recently that branches are simply roots in the air, sucking the nutrients out of sunlight and the atmosphere in exactly the same way subterranean roots absorb them from the soil.

try to realise it's all within yourself, noone else can make you change
and to see you're only very small and life goes on within you and without you.
~thank you Beatles.

fractals fascinate me to no end.
the self-similarites of mathematics must surely extend to the physical manifestation of the universe, no? and indeed it does, in the fibonacci (sp?) sequence, among others. the golden ratio is aesthetically and mathematically and even musically resonant. are these the laws by which we were meant to live? mathematics (i'll never use these in real life!) ARE your real life.

naturally-occurring psychedelics i believe are god's hints as to god's nature. i do not capitalise because i make no distainction metween god and myself. thus, through psylocin and psilocybin i manifest myself and my true nature.

this has gone on too long.

if you are reading this sentence you should check out my fiction. ask me where.

21001000

it was my second or maybe my third day of work in the warehouse and i had never seen a forklift in action before. i wondered to myself if i would see someone driving it. i was pulling orders, components for some elementary school math kit, and suddenly it came around the corner. i was transfixed by terror as it barrelled down on me like a monster, all roaring and with flat horns on its face. i made to move out of the aisle but greg called to me: you're fine, i think he said. the beast turned and reared its head up and shoved its tusks into a stack of boxes and turned them back and took them down its gullet and suddenly just as fast as it appeared it was gone. it was an experience i do not necessarily need to have again.