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It's one of those stupid things to be really peeved about? But I guess it counts as something that I failed to do?

I was actually looking forward into adopting a baby bird and I find the ******** email almost a month and a half later. Under the rest of the ******** spam I get from Facebook (which I thought I turned off), LinkedIn (I don't even use that anymore), Gaia, youtube and of ******** course Nexon's spammy "Sorry we can't resolve your ticket since last December."

I'm not holding my breath to getting a bird at this point. According to the blog, the birds are fledged and most likely banded.

Obviously I'm the one with the shittiest luck. Something I want? NOPE. Won't even know about until LONG AFTER THE ******** THING PASSED.

I guess my naivety just know how to wreck my peace of mind. Something so ******** tiny as this can just break whatever I have down.

Maybe it's pent up? Maybe it's just another reason why I think I'm not really worth anything? I can't even get my s**t together for one TINY little thing.

"Oh but it's so small, don't worry about it!"

If I can't get my s**t together for a small thing. What makes you think I can keep it together for something bigger?

I don't know, like that ******** MMD MODEL? One I promised to make?

Yeah that one. Not even done. I lost my drive half way through because my schedule is a ******** trainwreck. Not only that, I also have to start over because I apparently did the model wrong and "oh this way is much easier for me to work with."

I really just want to give up, crawl to bed and just stay there with my misery. I'm a mix up of failures and false promises.

Even though I have good things, it's not enough to offset the s**t I have stacked up against me. It's getting to the point of why should I even try anymore?

Nothing I do is going to get me out of this mess. A lot of people want to say, "Don't worry, just wait. It'll get better."

No, it got worst. It's been going downhill since I was in elementary school. Subtle at first and then now? You realize just how much you got ******** over. Just how much YOU ******** up. And just ******** HELPLESS you really are. All of that? I want to go away.

I just want to know if there's a way to get out of this pit. A way that I can handle, that won't screw me over in the end and keep whatever is helping me intact.