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pain is easy. you become numb. you start to be able to deal with it. im very good at dealing with pain. i numb myself and hide it away. then bring it back in the night and cry silently wishing my death would come soon. i was never really my age. i was always more mature than was expacted. i was never a kid. i was always worrying about the adults buisness. i was always different i would rather be alone and live in my own imaginary world than face reality. but i coped anyways. i was alone in this world. i never talked to anyone about my feelings i was reclusive and would rather have drew a picture and talk to myself about it. but now im older. now i dtraw art, ar write poetery on how i wised i would die and how no one raelly knew me. i wish i was alone still. i love my friends. but on my own i keep my standerds and im myself. and dive back into child hood habits like i dive from the diving block. swift and sure. i relax and shed layer apon layer of grief in the water. im free in water. but the instance i surface my life floods back and i wish i had ceased to exist long ago. xp rolleyes