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(So this is gonna meander a bit, okay?)

The things that I want to ask you...
What are the things that I want to ask you?
It's a bit hard to speak to the person
Who has implied again and again that
Said person does not want to speak with you.
"How are you doing?"
"..."
"What's going on lately?"
"..."
"Are you feeling fine?"
"..."
I wonder what's going on...
"..."

But when I don't ask questions,
questions I never asked
are answered all of a sudden

And I wonder why you're being so private about your life
With a person to whom you used to confide in so much
...Before

So what is it that I want to ask you?
What is it that I need to know?
Maybe it sounds stupid to write it this way
But the truth is
I don't have any one question to ask you
as opposed to many.

And it's not the simple ones, either-
Not
"How are you doing?"
"What's going on?"
"Are you feeling fine?"

It's the stuff that makes you-
Just a little bit...
But...-
It makes you nervous

The questions are not nervous
but the feelings they inspire
In some way
Could be.

"Do you want me to be
A part of your life
At this point in time
... Anymore?"

"Are you at all willing
To keep me as your friend?"

And, most especially,

"If you regret our friendship past,
Will you not regret never seeing me again?"

I cherish my own life
Far too much to lose it
Especially to someone
With an attitude
Like that

But I'm not going to lie
And say there aren't questions
I wouldn't want to ask myself
Because I am a questionable person-
At least, in that regard.

"Could I handle
Never seeing this person again
If he or she said they wished
She or he had never met me?"

"Could I easily oblige that wish?"

"Am I willing to be full of the pain
That is given when you no longer
Have a person you liked
As someone to call 'comrade?'"

I am strong enough, I know
To live my life without
Any one person in this world

But I am not impervious
Invincible,
Impenetrable
Because when I let you in
You chose to hurt me
And by letting you in,
I chose to let myself be hurt

It's all my fault, I know
But it hardly matters now

What I'm trying to tell you is
I can't say it without trying
Without needing to try

I am not invincible,
Like I said,
And so

While I could
Live without any one person in this world
While I am strong enough to leave behind
Someone who meant so much to me
I am not strong enough to walk away
Without becoming wiser

I am not strong enough to walk away
Without becoming old, and wise
And full of pain.

I am not strong enough
And obviously not fast enough
To avoid and evade the facts:
I'm going to miss you,
No matter what this heart of mine wants me to do.