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I suppose I should update my journal, not because I really have much to say, but I like the consistency of keeping a semi-current blog.

Thanksgiving has been blaaaah this year, so far. It just doesn't seem like Turkey Day without me making stuffs. I wanted to help my relatives, but usually when I make an effort to try and help I get shunted aside or treated like a child because my cooking skills have been mostly formed from experimenting, not from having a mother that teaches such things.

I miss my mom, and my cat, and my brother and hell, even Emily, the dorkiest dork sister ever. I don't miss April much, but that's because we don't really have a concrete sibling relationship, unlike Danny and I. Right before dinner I kinda just went upstairs and cried for a moment or two and then went right back downstairs again. It's frustrating, not having anyone to talk to. When I think about talking to my friends, I just, I dunno, I don't relate to them anymore, or if I do, it's only surface related things.

I had a dream last night/this morning. I was outside my church's temple, dancing with my soon to be husband, out in the parking lot. I felt so warm, and loved, and even in the dream I just wanted to cry, it was so lovely. I was looking around, my face pressed up to his chest and I noticed that there was all this graffiti on the concrete, really gross stuff. My fiancee was trying to cover my eyes because he didn't want me to see it, and I was trying to fight him, saying that he didn't need to do that, that kind of stuff I could block out. I was trying to cover his eyes. (I guess he was more sheltered than I am.) I woke up (Karen, my older cousin, came and said something and woke me up, the dumb butt) feeling really odd, like I needed to go back there and make sure he was okay.

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin
...
'Cause the seasons change was a conduit
And we left our love in our summer skin.

I love when a song hits you and repeat it over and over until you can kinda feel it in your bones. You know what I mean?