((sighs)) man my life has gotten complex. There are way to many things I have to think about and some are very violent indeed. Some are happy while others are cruel and sad. I don’t know where I get these feelings but they scare me.
The other day I found this feeling that I have never felt and I sat there thinking “What is this!?”. This felling came from nowhere and shocked me to silence. And to those who know me you know how powerful that is! I feel sadness every time I am not talking with Him I noticed it the other day when he left and I started to cry then when he got back on I was SO happy….
He makes my life whole. I know I can not love Him but still I do. Am I evil this way? Am I cruel? Please this feeling I want it to stop I want to love Him freely with no fear. I want to show Him my affection but I can’t. I can never let Him know these feelings. They shall be buried deep in my heart till the day I can show Him.
May that day come with peace and ease.
((laughs)) I found my balance. ((blushes)) and hes very nice and warm.
The other day I found this feeling that I have never felt and I sat there thinking “What is this!?”. This felling came from nowhere and shocked me to silence. And to those who know me you know how powerful that is! I feel sadness every time I am not talking with Him I noticed it the other day when he left and I started to cry then when he got back on I was SO happy….
He makes my life whole. I know I can not love Him but still I do. Am I evil this way? Am I cruel? Please this feeling I want it to stop I want to love Him freely with no fear. I want to show Him my affection but I can’t. I can never let Him know these feelings. They shall be buried deep in my heart till the day I can show Him.
May that day come with peace and ease.
((laughs)) I found my balance. ((blushes)) and hes very nice and warm.
