Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So im posting something long again, if you dont want to stay around to read it all, you might wanna stop...

NO


...still here? Okay then.
So first of. I really dont know what to say first of <.<
Hm Im feeling really bad at the moment cause it seems that my girl believes I've done something wrong something or... well something like that O.O
Well I dont know. And gaia just started beeing an a** great >.< Well anyway.
My stomach twists, or get that kind of butterfly feeling when something like that happens.
Well all I can do is say the truth. And with her I shall always tell the truth. I hope she knows that. Cause I would not lie to her, nor do I have any reason to lie to her. I hate lies, especially my own, ofcourse I've lied in my life. But for her... never... never ever!!! I would never lie to a person that I love with my all heart and... someone that I... see as my soulmate.. and future..(I hope the word dont scare her away) wife.

I sit here, and in my hands I have a letter I wrote her, I believe, yesterday. Its on pink paper and with written with a black pen. I read and I see how much I pour out my emotions. I read and see how happy I get when I write the parts about how I loe her. How I notice? I loose conentration in my writing. I usaly start writing stuff really slow and calmly to make it look okay, but when I reach the parts about how much I love her I start to write faster and uglier. She should be able to see that in her old letters as well. Its so much I want to say in a short time, its usaly the reason for my screw ups when typing as well.

hehe I just found an old letter I wrote her online, I save a few of them. Hehe why? Cause somtimes I look back to what I used to write to her, and compare that with how im feeling today. I must say that my feelings havent changed since back then. I still do feel the same way. So what did I write in that letter? Is it private? yes and no. Its just my feelings.. how I feel... hm. Here ya go;

Hello my sweetheart.
Baby, baby oh baby. ^^

You're the most amazing girl that has been put on this earth! Your smile brighter then any smile I have ever seen, and your laugh is the cutest and true laugh that I have ever heard. Your eyes, the deepest and most beautiful things on this earth, holding so much more then just the moment. In your eyes I see a world, a world that I want to share with you.

I wanna be there for you when you need someone, I wanna be the one you go to when you need security and love. I, I wish to be the one you see in your future, cause you're the person I see in mine. It might have taken me alot of time to realise what I want in my future, but I know what I want now, and I know that you're in every part of that future that I seek.

I would never be able to emagine anyone else then you, I dont want to, I dont need to, and I will never. I give you my love, I give you my heart, and i give you someone that will listen to you, take care of you, and do everything to make you feel like the most important person in this world. Cause to me, thats exactly what you are.

My Red Pearl.
I love you
I always will love you
Yours and yours only - Alex


It acctualy brings me to tears. hehe happy tears. Cause... to be able to find thoese words inside of yourself is like ... a miracle. That you have thoese kind of feelings for someone, its just wow. I cant believe that I have found someone that I can share such words with.
I sure hope that I can move to the states soon, and we might be able to meet a bit more often!!! The immigration office told me that I should get married and that would make the move easier but... even though i want to merry her. It feels wrong to do it for such a reason. I want to be her husband, I want her to be my wife. But... I want our wedding to be special, not something that you do in an afternoon just so that I can move to another country.
No. I want to merry her of love and at the right time! I might not be rich, I might not be able to give her, her dream wedding. But I do know what I can give her, I can give her some parts of it. I can give her undying love and a husband that will always be there for her. I can give her everything I have... me.

Hehe some might run away from that "prize" XP But I know her words to me have been true. I know it. How I know? I know becuase I love her, and I have no need to doubt the one I love and loves me back. She is such a wonderful person, she might not always see it herself! -pokes her nose if she reads this-
But... she is. She truly is. How else could I emagine a long and loving future with her hm? hehe.

LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh that was loud O.O

You're my red pearl.
Thank you for everything hun.
Thank you for your love.
For your support.
For your existence.

Yours forever truly; Alex.